The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008 Summarise the information be selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008

Summarise the information be selecting and reporting  the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The graphs provide data about what the UK graduate and postgraduate
students
did after
graduated
Wrong verb form
graduating
show examples
from school in 2008 that they did not participate in full-time jobs. By and large, it can be seen that both graduate and postgraduate
students
tended to join
further
study the most
while
voluntary
work
was not paid attention. Speaking of the UK graduate
students
, the first place belonged to
further
study with 29665
students
.
While
part-time
work
accounted for the second place with 17735
students
, unemployment followed closely with 16235
students
.
By contrast
, voluntary occupied the least with 3500
students
. As regards the UK postgraduate
students
, the figure for
further
study was about 2725
students
, followed nearly by part-time
work
with 2535
students
. The third place belonged to unemployment with 1625
students
.
Finally
, just about 345
students
participated in voluntary
work
.
Submitted by weezel on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further, while".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words students, work with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.

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