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Writing Samples
Band 5

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008 Summarise the information be selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008 Summarise the information be selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #uk #graduate #students #work #college #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The graphs provide data about what the UK graduate and postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
 did after
graduated
Wrong verb form
graduating
show examples
 from school in 2008 that they did not participate in full-time jobs. By and large, it can be seen that both graduate and postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
 tended to join
further
Linking Words
 study the most
while
Linking Words
 voluntary
work
Use synonyms
 was not paid attention. Speaking of the UK graduate
students
Use synonyms
, the first place belonged to
further
Linking Words
 study with 29665
students
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 part-time
work
Use synonyms
 accounted for the second place with 17735
students
Use synonyms
, unemployment followed closely with 16235
students
Use synonyms
.
By contrast
Linking Words
, voluntary occupied the least with 3500
students
Use synonyms
. As regards the UK postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
, the figure for
further
Linking Words
 study was about 2725
students
Use synonyms
, followed nearly by part-time
work
Use synonyms
 with 2535
students
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. The third place belonged to unemployment with 1625
students
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, just about 345
students
Use synonyms
 participated in voluntary
work
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by weezel on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further, while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, work with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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