IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

All people should go to university, even if they are not going to use that education In their job. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #university #education #job
Some
people
 believe that education in
university
 is necessary for all
people
 even though it couldn'
t
 be useful in their career.
However
, I firmly believe that every person doesn'
t
 need to get
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 education at
university
 unless they use that study in real because learning for their work can be trained from other institutions and
people
 can spend
time
 looking for their aptitude
instead
 of wasting their
time
 in
university
.
To begin
 with, Learning something isn'
t
practiced
Change the spelling
practised
show examples
 through
university
 but there are many institutions to teach
people
 to get new knowledge and skills for their job.
For instance
, government, social groups, and regional institutions often the programs for employed
people
. In South Korea, if you need certification or training for not only
you
Change the pronoun
your
show examples
 job but
also
 just learning, you can find easily free
process
Fix the agreement mistake
processes
show examples
 around you. On top of that,
people
 would be better
using
Change preposition
off using
show examples
 their
time
 to seek your aptitude and interest if you don'
t
 have to go to
university
. Many students in South Korea choose to go to
university
Change preposition
on averagely
show examples
Change preposition
on averagely
show examples
Replace the word
average
show examples
averagely
Change the word
average
show examples
, but some students feel they waste their
time
while
 studying things that they won'
t
 use. In
this
 case, they regret and want to explore different ways. If education in
university
 is not essential for your job or certification, Seeking their own way is more effective.
To sum up
, all
people
 don'
t
 need to decide to go to
university
 for the above reasons.
Submitted by a46615883 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction & Conclusion
To improve your score further, try to ensure your introduction clearly outlines your viewpoint and summarise the main reasons for this viewpoint. A stronger conclusion that reiterates your main points and stance can also strengthen your essay.
Language Use
Include a variety of sentence structures and a wider range of vocabulary related to the topic to enhance clarity and engagement.
Supporting Examples
Support your arguments with more detailed examples or cite specific studies, reports or real-life instances to make your points more compelling.
Structure
Your essay presents a clear structure, with each paragraph discussing a distinct idea related to the topic, which aids in coherence and cohesion.
Use of Examples
You've effectively used examples to support your points, particularly the mention of free programs in South Korea, which adds relevance to your argument.
Conclusion
Your conclusion succinctly sums up the key points made in your argument, reinforcing your stance on the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: