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Band 5.5

Success is often measured in terms of how much money somebody has earned. Do you think wealth is a good measure of success? How else could we measure whether somebody is successful or not?

#success #terms #money #somebody #wealth #measure
Success
 is a complicated philosophical concept
that is
 both individually and culturally determined. In modern times, it is often gauged by a
person
's financial strength.
While
 most people believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
monetary gains are the best
measure
 of being successful, I believe that how wholesome was a
person
's
life
 is the barometer for
success
. In
this
 essay, I will highlight that there are other parameters as well for measuring a successful
life
. Admittedly, a
person
's wealth is certainly
one
 way to
measure
 how successful he or she has been in
life
. Typically, money represents what sort of
life
 someone has lived and what sort of profession they have held. Elon Musk,
for instance
, the wealthiest man in the world, is seen to be highly successful based on his massive net worth.
Similarly
, people aim to become highly educated and qualified to get
well paid
Add a hyphen
well-paid
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 jobs and work hard for promotions in order to earn huge salaries.
However
, constantly running after material gains doesn't
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 a
person
's soul in the long run. Other forms of
one
's achievements must be given equal importance in the society. Another way to
measure
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
show examples
 achievements in
life
 would be to
measure
 their
philanthophical
Correct your spelling
philanthropical
endeavors
Change the spelling
endeavours
show examples
. Being a helper and being able to give back to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society is the biggest achievement
one
 can get.
For instance
, if someone is God gifted in any skill and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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decide
Correct subject-verb agreement
decides
show examples
 to impart that skill for free. That in my view, is the biggest
success
; as
one
 can eat or consume material amenities to an extent only.
For instance
, in
Pakistan
Add a comma
Pakistan,
show examples
 there are some institutions which run totally for free like Indus Hospital by Dr. Abdul Bari Khan. It’s a paperless hospital and patients are treated for free. Shaukat Khanum Cancer Hospital run by former PM Imran Khan is the same. The amount of infinite prayers and good wishes these people get from the patients
unmatched
Add a missing verb
is unmatched
show examples
 to any
success
 a
person
 can achieve in the world. In conclusion, the nature of
success
 is multifaceted.
This
 essay
argued
Wrong verb form
argues
show examples
 that money is not the only way to
measure
success
. It is
also
 proposed that a
person
's contribution to society should
also
 be a lens through which he or she should be judged.
Submitted by hudibaiqbal on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on diversifying your sentences and paragraphs to enhance clarity. Mixing complex and simple sentences strategically can improve readability.
Coherence and Cohesion
Introduce a wider range of linking phrases to better connect your ideas. This will enrich your essay's flow.
Task Achievement
To further elevate your response, include a variety of specific examples that address the prompt from multiple perspectives.
Task Achievement
Consider exploring and discussing counterarguments or alternative viewpoints to enrich your essay’s depth and demonstrate critical thinking.
Introduction
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, engagingly presenting the topic.
Task Achievement
You consistently maintain focus on the topic, demonstrating a good understanding of the task requirements.
Originality
The essay offers a clear, personal standpoint on the measure of success, providing a refreshing perspective.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your argument, reinforcing the points made and reiterating the essay’s stance on the measure of success.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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