IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people dislike changes in their society and in their own lives, and want things to stay the same. Why do some people want things to stay the same? Why should change be regarded as something positive?

#people #dislike #changes #society #lives #change
Few people believe in living a monotonous
life
 and avoid incorporating current trends in their community. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will discuss the reasons behind
this
 situation and explain the positive impacts of
change
.
To begin
 with the reasons, the main cause of
this
 circumstance is that many people have a fear
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
unknown
Correct article usage
the unknown
show examples
. They believe in the time-tested systems that have proved to work well for them and they have an anxiety for unpredictable events.
For instance
, a person getting a stable income for
secure
Add an article
the secure
a secure
show examples
 job would avoid running a start-up.
Moreover
, stability in
life
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is another factor that encourages individuals to detest
change
. Stability
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
keeps them calm
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and helps them focus on their work and relationships.
On the contrary
, it is rightly said that
change
 is the only constant. Embracing
change
 makes one’s
life
 more lively and accomplish their dreams. Taking
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 in
life
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 contributing factor
behind
Change preposition
to
show examples
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
show examples
 and development of the modern world. In order to Succeed and survive in
this
 contemporary era, one needs to adapt themselves
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the current trends.
For example
, the phone manufacturing company,
nokia
Change the capitalization
Nokia
show examples
, could not survive as it failed to adopt
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
touch screen technology. In conclusion, few people trust
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the process of living a repetitive
life
 and dislike embracing contemporary changes.
However
, adopting
change
 is the only way to achieve growth and development in the world.
Submitted by niravfb1987 on

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Vocabulary
Try to diversify your vocabulary more to enhance the quality of your writing, even further.
Grammar
Revise your essay for minor grammatical inaccuracies to maintain a high level of language proficiency.
Task Achievement
Consider integrating direct examples or citing specific scenarios to bolster your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
You've structured your essay well, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, adhering to the requirements of a coherent and cohesive essay.
Task Achievement
You provided a balanced discussion covering both viewpoints effectively, showing a good understanding of the task.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Status quo
  • Skepticism
  • Inevitable
  • Progression
  • Innovation
  • Cultural identity
  • Familiarity
  • Aversion
  • Adaptability
  • Comfort zone
  • Economic stability
  • Global awareness
  • Personal growth
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