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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

People nowadays prefer to interact online (e.g. do shopping, chat with friends) rather than talking to other people face-to-face. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #e #g #chat #friends #development
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Currently,
people
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 would rather socialize online,
such
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 as shopping and chatting, than have an interaction with other
people
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 in person. In
this
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 essay, I would like to explain why it is perceived as a negative development and
why
Rephrase
apply
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the reasons for
this
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 argument. Most
people
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 tend to communicate with others online because it
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 them flexibility.
For example
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, if they have several meetings or appointments in a metropolitan city, which has high traffic, they will spend a lot of
time
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 on the road. So, it will be not efficient.
Therefore
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, interacting online using a meeting application is very helpful for busy
people
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.
In addition
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, buying daily needs or other things through a marketplace website
also
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 will give a big benefit to
people
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.
Besides
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 the fact that sellers can send paid products to buyers, online shopping can
also
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 save
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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time
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 because they can compare one thing with others in several shops at a
time
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.
Consequently
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, many
people
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 can make use of the saving
time
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 to do other activities.
Although
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 it has many benefits, having an addiction to online interaction
such
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 as social media will have a negative impact.
For instance
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, it will impact
people
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's mental health because as a social creature,
people
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 still need conventional communication in person to fulfil their mental health. Sometimes, doing screening
time
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in
Change preposition
for
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 a long
time
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 can become a stressor for some
people
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. In conclusion, interaction online
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 many benefits for
people
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, especially making
people
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 more flexible.
However
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, I remain convinced that it
also
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 has a negative side for some
people
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.
Therefore
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,
people
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 have to be wiser for that habit.
Submitted by dika2024 on

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development of ideas
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cohesion
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task response balance
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structure
Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
sentence variety
You've effectively used a mix of complex sentence structures, which positively affects your coherence and cohesion score.
task achievement
Your essay successfully addresses the topic and provides a reasoned argument, reflecting good task achievement.
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