IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The youth in many countries are unemployed and unskilled, while at the same time, the military services are in need of people. Compulsory military service is beneficial and necessary. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? e reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge rience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In many countries, adolescents are not employed and are deprived of skills.
However
Linking Words
, military
services
Use synonyms
 are looking for people to join
military
Add an article
the military
show examples
 as it is mandatory to have military
services
Use synonyms
. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. I will explain
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
 and will give some relevant examples in upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
due to
Linking Words
 a large surge in universities, graduating thousands of students each year.
However
Linking Words
, they still are unable to find good
jobs
Use synonyms
 as they lack
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
needed skills which are required for
jobs
Use synonyms
. As, a result, they remained unemployed.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
, today's youth is unable to find desirable
jobs
Use synonyms
, still they have some
jobs
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as military
Use synonyms
services
Fix the agreement mistake
service
show examples
 which don't require any specific skill set to join.
Apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, joining
a military
Correct the article-noun agreement
military services
a military service
show examples
services
Use synonyms
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can not only earn a good chunk of money but
also
Linking Words
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is a good opportunity to work for their communities.
Moreover
Linking Words
, our military
services
Use synonyms
 will have educated people who can contribute their knowledge to the country.
To sum up
Linking Words
, even though today's youngsters are struggling with unemployment, still they can join the army service to contribute
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their country which is not only a good earning but
also
Linking Words
 a good chance of serving
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the country.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction
Introduce your essay with a clearer, more engaging statement that directly addresses the topic to grab the reader's attention.
Coherence
Ensure your argument progresses logically, with each paragraph smoothly transitioning to the next. This can be enhanced by using a wider variety of linking words.
Supporting Examples
Deepen your argument with more detailed examples. While the general points are good, specific instances or statistics could strengthen your position.
Conclusion
Conclude your essay with a stronger restatement of your perspective. Summarize your main points to reiterate and reinforce your argument to the reader.
Opinion Consistency
You've clearly taken a stance and articulated your opinion throughout the essay, maintaining a consistent perspective.
Relevance to Task
Your ideas are relevant and you've made an effort to relate them directly to the question, showing good task understanding.
Structure
The essay structure is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: