Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Today, we can see that there is an increasing number
in
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of
show examples
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
all around the world. Many
people
said that
this
is happening because
of
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apply
show examples
there are plenty of provisions and beverages with high
sugar
level
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levels
show examples
are
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apply
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being sold in the market and one solution that can fix
this
problem is to sell
it
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them
show examples
with
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at
show examples
higher
price
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prices
show examples
. In my opinion, I personally agree that
this
is the best way to prevent more
health
problems
coming
Verb problem
apply
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due to
the high level of
sugar
that
people
consume
on
Change preposition
in
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their food. First and foremost, by raising the
price
of
products
that
has
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have
show examples
high
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
of
sugar
, many
people
will tend to not buy
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
and prefer to choose cheaper items. As they are going to choose lower
price
food,
people
’s behaviour on
consume
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consuming
show examples
something is surely going to change and will make an imbalance in
supply
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the supply
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and demand curve in the
marrket
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market
.
As a consequence
of it, the factory will produce less sugary
products
so
people
will hardly
to
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apply
show examples
see
high
Add a hyphen
high-sugar
show examples
sugar
products
and
instead
prefer to buy cheap food which
also
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is also
show examples
healthier than before.
Furthermore
, the
factory
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factories
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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still manufacture
high
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high-sugar
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sugar
on
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apply
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their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
products
and sell
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
in
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at
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an expensive
price
have to pay higher
tax
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taxes
show examples
to
government
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the government
show examples
due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tax
regulation
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regulations
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. It will make the government receive high revenue from these kinds of
tax
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taxes
show examples
. If these taxes are allocated to the
health
sector in the nation, the government can make many projects that eventually raise the awareness of
disease
,
particulary
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particularly
communicable
disease
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diseases
show examples
, which
caused
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are caused
show examples
by sugary
products
. It will later
also
reduce the
health
problems that
people
face nowadays.
To conclude
, I believe that
by
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apply
show examples
increasing the
price
of sugary
products
will make
people
change their consumption
pattern
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patterns
show examples
and make them buy cheaper items which are
also
healthier.
Additionally
, the taxes from
high
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
price
products
that governments collect which
allocated
Add a missing verb
are allocated
show examples
to the
health
ministry will later
also
reduce the
disease
in a nation.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar consumption
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • encourage
  • expensive
  • reduce
  • effectively
  • discourage
  • tight budget
  • purchasing
  • disproportionately
  • lower-income individuals
  • healthier food choices
  • demand
  • regardless
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