n some countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantage?
There is no doubt that finding a job is essential for any
individuals
. It is believed that Fix the agreement mistake
individual
people
should move to other countries to search for jobs and leave their families
and beloved
ones behind. Correct your spelling
loved
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
this
have
many Change the verb form
has
benefits
it is also
subject to drawbacks. This
essay will discuss the pros and cons and express my opinion.
On one
hand, moving to another city or Correct article usage
the one
country
to find work
has benefits
, one of them it’s open
many chances for individuals to find a better job. Wrong verb form
opens
In other words
, some companies prefer to hire persons that
have no obligations towards Correct pronoun usage
who
families
and have no friends to spend time with as this
will ensure that workers have more time to be at work
. In addition
, when individuals work
away from their families
they will have less
expenses to worry about and they can save more money. Change the quantifier
fewer
For example
, Egyptian workers in Jordan have many chances to work
as they have come to the country
alone and they return to their country
with a good amount of money.
On the other hand
, people
who moved
away to find jobs will lose Wrong verb form
move
connection
with their families
and beloved
ones. Correct your spelling
loved
This
is to say, that people
who work
abroad after sometime
they feel alone and with Replace the word
some time
the
busy life they will have less time to connect with their Correct article usage
a
families
. Consequently
, this
will affect their relationship with their parents, sons, and relatives and sometimes people
cut their connection
with their home town. For instance
, many Arabs who travel to the USA cut connection
with their Add an article
the connection
families
and decided
not to return to their countries for good.
In conclusion, despite the Wrong verb form
decide
benefits
of having a
good salary jobs and more chances to Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
work
away from your country
, the drawbacks of leaving familiy
and Correct your spelling
family
friend
and losing Fix the agreement mistake
friends
connection
with them outweigh the benefits
and could affect people
’s live
forever.Replace the word
lives
Submitted by nidaa_hamed on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure clear and more varied transitional phrases to enhance flow between ideas.
task achievement
Expand upon the advantages and disadvantages with more detailed examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Consider exploring a wider range of vocabulary and complex sentence structures to demonstrate language proficiency.
task achievement
Make sure your position is consistently clear throughout the essay to strengthen task achievement.
coherence cohesion
You have structured your essay well with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, such as the reference to Egyptian workers in Jordan.
task achievement
Your conclusion effectively summarises your argument, reflecting good task achievement.
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