IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The diagram below shows a simple system that turn dirty water into clean water. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant.

The diagram below shows a simple system that turn dirty water into clean water. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant.
#system #water #summarise #information #features #comparisions
The given figure depicts how to clean
water
 through a simple system that
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
turn
Correct subject-verb agreement
turns
show examples
 unclean
water
 into clean
water
 .
Overall
 , as it can be clearly seen
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
in the diagram , there are 2 main stages in the whole process , starting from but
water
 in the filter assembly and ending with
produced
Wrong verb form
producing
show examples
 clean
water
 it is ready to
drinke
Correct your spelling
drink
. In the first stage , they put
water
 in the huge filter
Change preposition
with
show examples
about 3 sections ( sand , charcoal , gravel ) and have both
plastic
Correct article usage
a plastic
show examples
 lid and above storage drum . After that , the machines inside
filter
Correct article usage
the filter
show examples
 started to clean
water
Correct article usage
the water
show examples
 . Afterwards, it is transferred to
plastic
Correct article usage
a plastic
show examples
 barrel . In the final stage ,
water
have
Wrong verb form
has to
show examples
 be ready and it can
use
Wrong verb form
be used
show examples
 in anything you want until drinks
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
. Next , they send in supermarket and company .
Also
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
any where
Join the words
anywhere
show examples
.
Submitted by alasu8899 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words water with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • filtration system
  • gravel layer
  • sand layer
  • charcoal layer
  • impurities
  • boiling process
  • bacteria
  • microorganisms
  • condensation stage
  • purified
  • contaminated water
  • potable water
  • transformation
  • capture
  • remove large impurities
  • remove small impurities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: