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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart below show the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

The bar chart below show the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
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The bar chart demonstrates the bonus range among genders from six different maturity groups in Australia doing regular physical activity in 2010. Generally, the graph illustrates that, from their 25’s, women got the highest percentages
on
Change preposition
of
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 exercising .
Firstly
Linking Words
, from 15 to 24, the men’s club got higher percentages than the
women’s
Use synonyms
 faction with a little bit of difference.
However
Linking Words
, later, the percentage of the
women’s
Use synonyms
 line starts to increase.
In
Change preposition
Of
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 their 25
women’s
Use synonyms
organization
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organizations
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 got 48.9% which is
higher
Add an article
a higher
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 percentage than men’s. Later, male athletes still decrease in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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maturity
of
Change preposition
from
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 35-44 to the rate of 39.5. From the youth of 45 till 54 the
women’s
Use synonyms
 tape got the pick point on the graph with 53.3%
while
Linking Words
 the interest in the male ring started to go up little by little.
Additionally
Linking Words
, in the next maturity club, dropped their superiority with a decline of 0.3%. After, the
percent
Replace the word
percentage
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in
Change preposition
of
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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women’s
Use synonyms
ring
Fix the agreement mistake
rings
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 went down a bit more,
nevertheless
Linking Words
,
male
Correct article usage
the male
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gang
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gangs
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 increased more than before. Despite that, at the old age of 65 and over females got higher points than males with just 0.4%

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words women’s with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go up" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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