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Band 6.5

The charts below show the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010.

The charts below show the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010.
The
given
Verb problem
apply
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pie chart illustrates details about the percentages of students
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Britain who can speak several languages, except English, in
two
Use synonyms
 different years, 2000 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
 it is clear from the pie chart that in both years more
people
Use synonyms
learn
Wrong verb form
learned
show examples
 Spanish,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 the lowest percentage of
language
Use synonyms
 learners can be seen German
language
Use synonyms
, with the same
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 each year. In 2000, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
passion
Add an article
a passion
the passion
show examples
to learn
Change preposition
for learning
show examples
spanish
Change the capitalization
Spanish
show examples
, 30%. But German and
two
Use synonyms
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 languages
ware
Correct your spelling
were
show examples
 both learnt by only one in ten
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
two
Use synonyms
proportion
Fix the agreement mistake
proportions
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 shows 15% which is for French and
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
language
Use synonyms
. But 20% of
people
Use synonyms
 didn't learn any other
language
Use synonyms
, except English. By 2010, there are some changes.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
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 the percentage of Spanish,
two
Use synonyms
 other languages and another
language
Use synonyms
 learners increased slightly by one in twenty percent.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 there are
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 reductions, too.
For instance
Linking Words
, 5% of
people
Use synonyms
 learned some
language
Use synonyms
 than
last
Linking Words
 decade.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, one in twenty
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 stopped studying French
while
Linking Words
 there is no difference in learning German. 170+ words

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words two, people, language with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportions
  • British students
  • university
  • speaking other languages
  • language proficiency
  • overall trends
  • comparison
  • 2000
  • 2010
  • chart
  • data
  • percentage
  • significant
  • increase
  • decrease
  • noteworthy
  • comparative analysis
  • improvement
  • decline
  • conclusion
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