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Band 6.5

The charts below show the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010.

The charts below show the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010.
#show #proportions #british #students #university #england #languages #addition #english
The
given
Verb problem
apply
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pie chart illustrates details about the percentages of students
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Britain who can speak several languages, except English, in
two
 different years, 2000 and 2010.
Overall
 it is clear from the pie chart that in both years more
people
learn
Wrong verb form
learned
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 Spanish,
however
Add a comma
however,
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 the lowest percentage of
language
 learners can be seen German
language
, with the same
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 each year. In 2000, most
of
Change preposition
apply
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people
have
Wrong verb form
had
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passion
Add an article
a passion
the passion
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to learn
Change preposition
for learning
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spanish
Change the capitalization
Spanish
show examples
, 30%. But German and
two
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 languages
ware
Correct your spelling
were
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 both learnt by only one in ten
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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two
proportion
Fix the agreement mistake
proportions
show examples
 shows 15% which is for French and
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
language
. But 20% of
people
 didn't learn any other
language
, except English. By 2010, there are some changes.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 the percentage of Spanish,
two
 other languages and another
language
 learners increased slightly by one in twenty percent.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 there are
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 reductions, too.
For instance
, 5% of
people
 learned some
language
 than
last
 decade.
Furthermore
, one in twenty
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 of
people
 stopped studying French
while
 there is no difference in learning German. 170+ words
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words two, people, language with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportions
  • British students
  • university
  • speaking other languages
  • language proficiency
  • overall trends
  • comparison
  • 2000
  • 2010
  • chart
  • data
  • percentage
  • significant
  • increase
  • decrease
  • noteworthy
  • comparative analysis
  • improvement
  • decline
  • conclusion
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