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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
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This
Linking Words
 report derives from a bar chart which illustrates the Number of males and
femals
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females
 from
diferent
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different
generatia
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generation
generate
Correct pronoun usage
who do
show examples
do
Wrong verb form
did
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 Some exercise for
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 body they
live
Wrong verb form
lived
show examples
 in Australia in 2010 .
Overall
Linking Words
 , There was
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different age groups from 15 to 65
andover
Correct your spelling
and over
Andover
.
According to
Linking Words
Correct article usage
the data
show examples
data
Add a comma
data,
show examples
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the
men
Use synonyms
 have
th
Correct your spelling
the
 highest percentage of all the dye
exsert
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except
show examples
 the age
15
Change preposition
of 15
show examples
 to 24 the
women
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the
highat
Correct your spelling
highest
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. to
compering
Verb problem
compare
show examples
 with
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 underage is to 24 the
women
Use synonyms
 have 52.8 .
while
Linking Words
men
Use synonyms
 47.7 from the other side of the graph , the
men
Use synonyms
 and there was almost
etule
Correct your spelling
equal
 between
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
underage
Correct your spelling
under age
show examples
 65 and over we saw the a slightly different which is just 0.1 Percent .
Moreover
Linking Words
, the group of Age between
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 from 25 to 34 Wen had 48.4
while
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
 had 42.2. On the final note of Comparison ,
Women
Use synonyms
 and
men
Use synonyms
 from 35 until 64 the
men
Use synonyms
 Who doing regular Phosical
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 more than
Women
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women with synonyms.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Australian men
  • Australian women
  • Age groups
  • Regular physical activity
  • Participated
  • Increased
  • Decreased
  • Proportion
  • Physically active
  • Gender difference
  • Engaged
  • Exercise
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