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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows a comparison between the unemployment rate and the number of people leaving Ireland from 1988 to 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows a comparison between the unemployment rate and the number of people leaving Ireland from 1988 to 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#comparison #unemployment #rate #people #ireland #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The graph shows information about
correlation
Add an article
the correlation
show examples
of
Change preposition
between
show examples
 the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 without
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work and the number of
people
Use synonyms
, who left Ireland, over a twenty-year period between 1988 and 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, what stands out from the graph is that
maximum
Correct article usage
the maximum
show examples
 points for both considered categories were in 1988, and the number of fluctuations led to the almost lowest
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 of citizens with no work
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
last
Linking Words
 year on the graph. Looking at the details, as regards the unemployment curve, there was a sharp fall from 17% to around 12% in 1990 and
subsequent
Correct article usage
a subsequent
show examples
 rise to approximately 15% in 1992.
After
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
point
Add a comma
point,
show examples
 the line declined steadily until it gained its minimum of around 5% in 2004.
Then
Linking Words
 the
slightly
Change the adverb
slight
show examples
 rise finished the analysis of the rate at 6%. If we look at the line which
is describing
Wrong verb form
describes
show examples
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 information, the trend was almost similar till 2004, with
sharp
Add an article
a sharp
the sharp
show examples
 drop from around 65,000 in 1988 to 35,000
people
Use synonyms
 in 1992.
Then
Linking Words
 after several variations, which lasted for 10 years, there was a significant increase in the number of
people
Use synonyms
 leaving Ireland,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 reached approximately 55,000 in 2008.
Submitted by pusheen.sveta on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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