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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, many families move overseas for job opportunities ( Advantages & Disadvantages both views and give your opinions)

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These days more and more people are moving
to
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apply
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abroad for
better
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a better
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 lifestyle and more jobs over there,
while
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 there are many benefits
by
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to
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 migrating from their countries. There are
also
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 some drawbacks to consider
of
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in
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this
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 case. In
this
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 essay, I will shed light on both sides of the topic and support my view with examples. On the one hand, those who believe that relocating abroad enables them with profound opportunities, which paves for their career growth,
due to
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this
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 they can
acheive
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achieve
a
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apply
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greater financial stability compared to their home countries.
For instance
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, it is evident that many developed nations often require skilled
labours
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labourers
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 in
respective
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their respective
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 fields,
this
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 demand which in turn may not be satisfied by the local people and seek
requirement
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requirements
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 from
the
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apply
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other countries.
In contrast
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, if the jobs are filled by
the
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their
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 own people, they may not rely on immigrants because of no demand.
On the other hand
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, my view is that
this
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 migration could lead to
homesick
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homesickness
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of
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in
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 the individuals as they have to live away from their parents and in
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some cases
somecases
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somecases,
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 children will affect their mental health to some extent.
For example
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, if disputes
happens
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happen
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 between the husband and wife and if not resolved will lead to divorce, As they are not getting support from their parents. All these telephone
communication
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communications
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 will
further
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exaggarate
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exaggerate
 the issue
instead
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 of understanding. In conclusion,
although
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apply
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the
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apply
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families can
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achieve
acheive
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achieve
 financial stability and
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a bright
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bright
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a bright
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career
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careers
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due to
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 immigration it is my firm belief that the mental stress they
subjected
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are subjected
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 to,
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apply
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by
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apply
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living away from
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their parents
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parents
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their parents
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 can affect their health and
realtions
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relationships
 in the long term.

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Task Achievement
You've provided a balanced view covering both the advantages and disadvantages of moving overseas for job opportunities, aligning well with the task's requirements.
Task Achievement
Consider adding more specific examples to strengthen your argument and make your points more convincing.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay has a clear logical structure, with well-defined paragraphs for each main idea, enhancing readability and understanding.
Coherence & Cohesion
For a higher score, work on varying your sentence structures more to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical skills.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame your argument, contributing positively to the essay's coherence.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have supported your main points with explanations, although incorporating a broader range of examples could further enhance clarity and impact.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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