Nowadays, many families move overseas for job opportunities ( Advantages & Disadvantages both views and give your opinions)
These days more and more people are moving
to
abroad for Change preposition
apply
better
lifestyle and more jobs over there,
Add an article
a better
while
there are many benefits by
migrating from their countries. There are Change preposition
to
also
some drawbacks to consider of
Change preposition
in
this
case. In this
essay, I will shed light on both sides of the topic and support my view with examples.
On the one hand, those who believe that relocating abroad enables them with profound opportunities, which paves for their career growth, due to
this
they can acheive
Correct your spelling
achieve
a
greater financial stability compared to their home countries. Remove the article
apply
For instance
, it is evident that many developed nations often require skilled labours
in Correct your spelling
labourers
respective
fields, Correct pronoun usage
their respective
this
demand which in turn may not be satisfied by the local people and seek requirement
from Fix the agreement mistake
requirements
the
other countries. Correct article usage
apply
In contrast
, if the jobs are filled by the
own people, they may not rely on immigrants because of no demand.
Change the word
their
On the other hand
, my view is that this
migration could lead to homesick
Replace the word
homesickness
of
the individuals as they have to live away from their parents and in Change preposition
in
Correct your spelling
some cases
somecases
children will affect their mental health to some extent. Add a comma
somecases,
For example
, if disputes happens
between the husband and wife and if not resolved will lead to divorce, As they are not getting support from their parents. All these telephone Change the verb form
happen
communication
will Change the determiner
communications
further
exaggarate
the issue Correct your spelling
exaggerate
instead
of understanding.
In conclusion, although
Correct article usage
apply
the
families can Correct article usage
apply
Correct your spelling
achieve
acheive
financial stability and Correct your spelling
achieve
Correct article usage
a bright
bright
Correct article usage
a bright
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
due to
immigration it is my firm belief that the mental stress they subjected
to, Add a missing verb
are subjected
Change preposition
apply
by
living away from Change preposition
apply
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
parents
can affect their health and Correct pronoun usage
their parents
realtions
in the long term.Correct your spelling
relationships
Submitted by vgowtham013 on
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Task Achievement
You've provided a balanced view covering both the advantages and disadvantages of moving overseas for job opportunities, aligning well with the task's requirements.
Task Achievement
Consider adding more specific examples to strengthen your argument and make your points more convincing.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay has a clear logical structure, with well-defined paragraphs for each main idea, enhancing readability and understanding.
Coherence & Cohesion
For a higher score, work on varying your sentence structures more to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical skills.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame your argument, contributing positively to the essay's coherence.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have supported your main points with explanations, although incorporating a broader range of examples could further enhance clarity and impact.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?