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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
#bar #percentage #australian #men #women #age #groups #activity
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The bar graph indicates the amount of Australian
males
Use synonyms
 and females in percentage in various
age
Use synonyms
 groups based on their regular physical activity in The year 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the number of females doing regular physical exercise in Australia was higher than
males
Use synonyms
 in all
age
Use synonyms
 groups, except
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 15 to 24. The least difference in percentage of their exercise routine could be seen in
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 65 and over, and
on the
Linking Words
contrary
Add a comma
contrary,
show examples
 the greatest one was in
group
Use synonyms
 35 to 44. As can be seen, in 2010 in Australia, in the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 25-34, just above 42
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of men had a regular exercise plan,
while
Linking Words
 women outnumbered them by almost 49%.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, for 35 to 44, these numbers were 39.5 and 52.5
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 respectively. In
Use synonyms
age
Add an article
the age
show examples
group
Use synonyms
 45-54 female participants went for 53.3%,
while
Linking Words
males
Use synonyms
 were there for 43.1%. In
55
Correct article usage
the 55
show examples
-64
group
Use synonyms
 as well the number of women was higher than men by
near
Change the word
nearly
show examples
 8%.
Additionally
Linking Words
, The percentage of men exercising regularly in
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 65 and over was 46.7%, which was almost the same as the number of women in that category
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was 47.1%.
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 15-24 was the only classification, in which, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
males
Use synonyms
 engaged in physical activity outnumbered females by almost 5
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words males, age, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical activity
  • Regular exercise
  • Age demographics
  • Participation rate
  • Trend analysis
  • Gender disparity
  • Health initiatives
  • Public health policies
  • Statistical comparison
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Work commitments
  • Age-related factors
  • Preventative health
  • Exercise habits
  • Surveillance data
  • Motivators and barriers
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