IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagram shows the process of electricity production through Ocean Thermal Energy Conversation (OTEC).

The diagram shows the process of electricity production through Ocean Thermal Energy Conversation (OTEC).
The diagram explains the process
how
Change preposition
of how
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 electricity is produced via
OTEC
Correct article usage
the OTEC
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 system.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the process
is commencing
Wrong verb form
commences
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 with ocean
water
Use synonyms
 being transformed
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
vapour
Use synonyms
, and
ending
Wrong verb form
ends
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 with the creation of electricity.
At the first stage
Linking Words
 of the procedure,
water
Use synonyms
 from the surface is
converting
Wrong verb form
converted
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 into
vapour
Use synonyms
 under the heat of the sun.
Then
Linking Words
, steam flows through the pipes in
evacuated
Correct article usage
an evacuated
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 evaporation chamber, where salt is
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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extracted from the mass.
As a result
Linking Words
, deprived
from
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 salt
vapour
Use synonyms
 undergoes
rotation
Correct article usage
a rotation
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 process, and
finally
Linking Words
 produces electricity. Once steam passes through
turbine
Add an article
the turbine
a turbine
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, it goes down into condensing
shamber
Correct your spelling
chamber
chambers
, where
Use synonyms
vapour
Correct article usage
the vapour
show examples
 is transformed
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 drinking
water
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile,
Change preposition
at a
show examples
a the
Choose an article
a
the
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 depth of 1000 meters, where the
water
Use synonyms
 is 5
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
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, cold
water
Use synonyms
 pumps and mixes with salt from
vapour
Use synonyms
, and,
finally
Linking Words
, wastes into the ocean.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, vapour with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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