Today our communications, medicine and transport systems all depend on computer technology. Our reliance on computer technology in these fields has created a dangerous situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#communications #medicine #transport #systems #depend #computer #technology #reliance #fields #situation

Nowadays, technologies in computer

sistem

Correct your spelling

systems

increased and many things

began

Wrong verb form

have begun

show examples

to depend on

this

. Many aspects

such

as communication, medicine and transport

as well as

depend on

this

technology.I disagree with the statement because the positive sides that computers have may be more useful than

negative

Correct article usage

the negative

show examples

ones.

Firstly

, of

course

Add a comma

course,

show examples

many things started to use

computers

Change the noun form

computer

show examples

systems

but to look at the pros thanks to

this innovations

Change the determiner

this innovation

these innovations

show examples

our life becomes easier and safer. Because of

this

aspects system helps us maintain communication with close

people

Change preposition

apply

show examples

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

at a distance.

Also

main positive sides in hospitals. Facilitation of operations, improvement of the health of citizens and assistance in reducing diseases were presented.

addition

Add a comma

addition,

show examples

transportation

systems

in cities prevent accidents on roads, which makes

Correct your spelling

show examples

safer for

people

's lives.And in our time without computer

systems

Add a comma

systems,

show examples

life would be more difficult.

Although

, users of some services might have their

audentifications

Correct your spelling

identifications

identification

and anyone can

stole

Wrong verb form

steal

show examples

it and use

him

Change the pronoun

his

show examples

face to gain access to his previous cards and so on.

Morover

Correct your spelling

Moreover

information can be changed

according to

themselves.

As a result

definitely

Add a comma

definitely,

show examples

these aspects of computer

systems

can cause

people

to mistrust them. In conclusion, even though

they

Correct pronoun usage

there

show examples

are a lot of benefits from technologies.In my

opinion

Add a comma

opinion,

show examples

technology has

became

Change the verb form

become

show examples

more innovative and has become a part of many

people

's life.But

Change preposition

show examples

the other

hand

Add a comma

hand,

show examples

older

people

think that they only bring harm despite their benefits.

Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on Sun May 12 2024

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coherence cohesion

Focus on clear paragraph structure, using one main idea per paragraph supported by specific examples or explanations.

task achievement

In your introduction, clearly state your opinion about the topic to provide a clear sense of direction for your essay.

Lexical Resource

Use a wider variety of sentence structures and more advanced vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely.

Task Response

You made a clear attempt to address both sides of the argument, which is good practice for this kind of essay.

Content Relevance

You demonstrated an understanding of the topic, providing relevant examples like the use of computer systems in medicine and transportation.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

232 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

reliance
cybersecurity
over-reliance
digital divide
data breach
cyberbullying
diagnostic machines
electronic health records
automated vehicles
predictive maintenance
real-time monitoring
vulnerability
misinformation
hacking
efficiency
navigation systems
traditional skills
system failures

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Today our communications, medicine and transport systems all depend on computer technology. Our reliance on computer technology in these fields has created a dangerous situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important to a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extend do you agree or disagree ?

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Nowadays many countries have very cosmopolitan cities with people from all over the world. How can the government ensure that all these people can live together harmoniously?

In some countries, only few young people go to classic music concerts or play classing music. Why? Should young people be encouraged to attend and learn more?

In many countries, people now wear western clothes such as suits and jeans rather than traditional clothing. Why is this case ? Is this a positive or nrgative development ?