IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that men and woman are equal and so women should be able to do any job they want. Others feel that men and women are not equal and therefore there are certain jobs which are not suitable for woman. What’s your opinion?

#people #men #woman #women #job #jobs #what’s
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Over the
last
century
Add a comma
century,
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 the debates about gender equality have been becoming more and more common. Some societies support
an
Correct article usage
the
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 idea of both sexes having the same rights,
while
 others separate the kinds of jobs females and males can take in a very radical manner. There are a few key factors influencing the approach here:
such
 as country, culture or religion. Women are known to have more suitable features for professions like
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
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, health care
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 or a nanny. Numerous studies have shown that female individuals are more emotional,
thus
 they are keen to be more empathetic, than their male colleagues.
Additionally
, women tend to be more successful in
multi-taking
Correct your spelling
multi-tasking
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, which allows them to simultaneously focus on many things and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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cover multiple areas at work.
As a result
,
this
 can
also
 be an advantage in some leading roles, where an individual must focus on both working with people and delivering key performance indicators to the business.
In contrast
 to rather sensitive and caring ladies, men are famous
to be
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for being
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 better
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 decision-making and stress resistance. Naturally, these qualities are useful
among
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in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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jobs that require fast reactions and
ability
Correct article usage
the ability
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of remaining
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to remain
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 cold-hearted. Military service, marine or piloting are some good examples
for
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of
show examples
male dominated
Add a hyphen
male-dominated
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 roles. There is
also
 an important factor of power and strength, that allows men to work in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
environments that require strong physics.
For example
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
construction workers and loaders are
also
 known to be men. Even
thought
Correct your spelling
though
show examples
 there has been a significant change in the way modern society perceives the matter of gender equality when it comes to different professions, there is still a biological reason which
effects
Correct your spelling
affects
show examples
 the division
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 roles.
Submitted by anapoliakovaa on

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task response
Try to ensure that your essay directly addresses all parts of the task as the prompt asked for your opinion, which was not explicitly stated.
task response
Consider presenting a more balanced view or clearer stance on your personal opinion throughout the essay to enhance task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to clearly separate your ideas and enhance the overall flow of your essay.
task response
Refine your argument by presenting contrasting viewpoints more clearly before stating your own perspective to ensure a more balanced discussion.
task achievement
Your essay provides a thorough analysis of different perspectives on gender roles in the workplace, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples to support your claims, adding depth to your argument.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay helps in making your argument easy to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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