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Band 3.5

Today, more and more people want things instantly( e.g : goods, services, news). Why is this? Ii it positive or negative development?

#people #e #g #goods #services #news #ii #development
With the development of society, a growing amount of
people
 prefer rapid actions and responses.
Additionally
, I believe it is not a bad thing for
people
.
This
 essay will delve into
this
 concept in greater detail and show why it is a negative development. On the one hand, more
humans
 think getting slowly is
also
 good because it will make
people
 feel certain and confident about that .
For example
, in working, more
humans
 do
fastly
Rephrase
fast
show examples
, so sometimes they will make silly mistakes,
while
 others do calmly, they will have fine things.
Furthermore
, making calm helps them more about the image, because you can easily think of more new interesting images in that.
On the other hand
, making suddenly will bring more benefits for everyone like saving more time. It means that
humans
 can do
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
other things if they know the way to get
that
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. More
people
 usually rest soon at work to go home with family or what, because they know the way to plant and so on.
Moreover
, it will help
humans
 earn more money
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because
with
Correct word choice
if
show examples
 are productive, they can do a lot of work in a little time. In conclusion, I think everything has more negative and positive effects. I still think it brings more negative than.
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Introduction
Ensure to have a clear thesis statement in your introduction, stating whether you believe the trend is positive or negative. Your current statement contradicts your conclusion.
Coherence
Try using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument.
Examples
Provide more specific examples to support your points and arguments. This will help to clearly demonstrate the positive or negative impacts you're discussing.
Organization
Organize your essay more clearly by separating your arguments into distinct paragraphs, each discussing a single idea. This helps in improving coherence.
Language accuracy
Be cautious with sentence construction and aim for accuracy in vocabulary use to make your argument more persuasive and your writing more professional.
Engagement
You engaged with the topic and offered opinions on both sides of the argument.
Example attempt
You made an effort to provide examples, though more specificity could enhance clarity.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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