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Band 5.5

Today more and more people want things instantly (e.g: goods, service, news). Why is this? Is it positive or negative development?

#people #e #g #goods #service #news #development
In today’s digital age, there is a tendency among
people
 with high needs to instant things.
This
 writer believes that
this
 lifestyle appears
due to
 urbanization and industrialization and
also
 has a negative impact on human
health
. It is vital to understand that entitled to the development of every country and
people
’s necessities simultaneously,
people
 tend to live with a fast pace of modern life. They want things instantly in order to save much less time for other activities
such
 as jobs or family.
This
 is not only about time-saving factors but
also
 helps them save a large amount of energy.
For instance
, nowadays,
people
 prefer eating fast food because they do not have to cook by themselves and spend several hours just to prepare the ingredients.
Moreover
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
industrialization gets stronger day by day so
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
offer
Correct subject-verb agreement
offers
show examples
people
 various useful tools or equipment. These devices can do everything within seconds without paying any extra fees except for buying. Take mini robot as a prime example which is mainly used for cleaning purposes, the users can see the result immediately by their visual.
However
,
this
 trend is expected to be a negative development. In fact, with the assistance from these state-of-the-art devices or everything
comes
Correct pronoun usage
that comes
show examples
 in hands-on time,
people
 are considered to become lazier. They even do not want to move around to buy stuff in need
instead
 of shopping online. In the long term,
this
 lifestyle can lead to detrimental
health
 in humans, which means there will be an increase in obesity rates and diabetes in both young and old generations if those continue to sit
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 one place and wait for items instantly in front of them.
Furthermore
,
besides
 the detrimental
health
, the residents can suffer from various problems in mental halt. As long as the time they have to wait when they get used to
this
 lifestyle, they will be more aggressive and impatient, always looking for the status of the items. Taking every point into account, the main cause of wanting things instantly in
people
 is the development of nations and industry.
This
 trend brings numerous negative impacts
such
 as detrimental
health
 and mental
health
 in both youngsters and the elderly.

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Task Response
Try to offer a more balanced discussion by giving equal weight to both positive and negative developments. It's important to address both sides of the prompt fully to meet the task requirements.
Task Achievement
Work on expanding your examples to fully support your points. While you provided relevant instances, elaborating more on these examples can enhance your argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence, make sure transitions between paragraphs and sentences are smooth. Using a variety of linking words can help your essay flow better and appear more cohesive. Additionally, consider outlining your main ideas more clearly in the introduction to guide your reader through your arguments.
Task Achievement
You provided a clear opinion and thesis statement in your introduction, effectively setting the stage for your discussion.
Task Response
The essay maintains a consistent focus on the topic, correctly addressing the given prompt.
Task Achievement
You made good use of examples to illustrate your points, such as the convenience of fast food and the utility of mini robots for cleaning. These are effective ways to concretize your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant gratification
  • digital platforms
  • fast-paced lifestyle
  • precious commodity
  • e-commerce platforms
  • 24/7 news cycles
  • accessibility
  • consumer behavior
  • efficiency
  • productivity
  • delayed gratification
  • pressure
  • advent
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