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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #move #friends #families #work
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In recent times,
due to
 the surge of technology and the usage of AI,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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personal connections among friends and families have decreased drastically. My preference and the answer to the question will be discussed
further
. Like in every other trend, there are pros and cons
both
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, but the question remains if the 'risk-reward' ratio is workable or not, which in most cases is subjective. As a working individual
myself
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who spends most of
the
Change the word
my
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 time away from friends and family, I feel at
this
 age it is necessary in order to build a strong foundation for the future.
On the other hand
; there are cons to
this
 too, sometimes, for everyone the feeling of isolation gets to them, as
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 are programmed to be a socially engaged species, to stay in a group and protect each other.
Hence
 the feeling of isolation can be brutal. In my opinion, at a young age building a sturdy foundation
along with
 gaining the necessary experience should be prioritised,
further
, having an essence of work-life balance is
also
 equally important. Nowadays, people aren't as connected as they used to be before the advancement of technology, which has negatively affected the bonds to some extent, but ironically it has
also
 brought the concept of virtual presence, eliminating the need for being physically present bringing the concept of 'work-from-home'.
To conclude
, the idea of moving away from friends and family to pursue ambitions is ideally correct for most working individuals, though largely it is subjective .
Submitted by shahjahanrajan on

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Task Achievement
It's important to directly address the essay question early in your response to establish a clear stance, which should be maintained and clearly argued throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Use specific examples to support your points. This not only strengthens your argument but also makes your essay more engaging and convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure a clear logical flow between paragraphs. Transition sentences can help enhance the connection between your ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Closing your essay with a strong conclusion that restates your viewpoint and summarizes your main points strengthens the coherence and cohesion of your piece.
Task Achievement
You provided a balanced view by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of moving away for work.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint, reflecting good coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • career advancement
  • job opportunities
  • job market
  • salaries
  • personal growth
  • cultural horizons
  • adaptability
  • resilience
  • global perspective
  • emotional and psychological impact
  • loved ones
  • loneliness
  • homesickness
  • support network
  • long-distance relationships
  • emotional strain
  • face-to-face interactions
  • financial cost
  • housing deposits
  • travel costs
  • living expenses
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