Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree? Provide relevant examples if necessary.

In today's fast-paced world dominated by online advertisement and social media platforms, communities are forced to focus on their income and in some cases even overconsume. I believe
this
shifts one’s focus from mental health to salaries. The research has shown that most people spend more than half of their lives at work, which only emphasizes the importance of job satisfaction and happiness at the workplace. There are a lot of positions where someone's cheerful mood and attitude can benefit their work development. Any roles related to actual communication with others,
as well as
work related to healthcare as examples.
As a result
, society who love what they do tend to climb their career ladders faster than purely income-oriented individuals. At the same time, the necessity of meeting basic needs must
also
be considered
while
choosing one’s career path.
That is
why some people choose to allocate a few years of their lives to focus solely on earnings and to secure a more comfortable future at a later stage. I agree with
this
middle-ground choice and think prioritizing salary over anything else for a limited period might potentially benefit a person long-term.
To conclude
, I strongly support the idea of prioritizing the quality of life over someone’s cash, even though there are multiple options and adjustments that can be made when it comes to
such
important topics as money or happiness in the workplace. Eventually, a fulfilling career not only enhances one's professional journey but
also
secures a holistic well-being.
Submitted by anapoliakovaa on

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Task Achievement
Your essay effectively addressed the topic, providing a balanced view of the importance of salary and job satisfaction. However, incorporating more specific examples would have strengthened your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, try to enhance the linkage between paragraphs with more varied transitional phrases. This could make your essay flow even more smoothly.
Introduction & Conclusion
You introduced and concluded your essay well, clearly stating your viewpoint on the importance of prioritizing quality of life over salary.
Logical Structure
Your essay presents a logical structure, with each paragraph contributing to the development of your main argument.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
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