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Band 5

Finding job satisfaction is considered to be a luxury in many developing countries. Why do you think that is? Do you think job satisfaction is important? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#job #satisfaction #luxury #countries
In
this
 modern era,
job
 and financial security have become integral parts of many humans as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 fulfil their basic necessities.
However
, it is considered a posh thing, if
people
 get a satisfied
job
. I will elaborate on my view by discussing the pros of
job
 satisfaction.
As a
Change preposition
A
show examples
job
 with a good income can help
people
 to live their lives better.
Firstly
, with more personal gain they can help their family. An outstanding example of
this
 is that, with a good income parents can not only provide the best education to their children but
also
 make international trips which enhance both parents
as well as
 children’s knowledge.
Secondly
, a satisfactory
job
 helps
people
 to make their name well-known.
Thirdly
, a person with excellent income can able to pay more tax
as a consequence
, It
also
 improves the financial status of the country. The
job
 satisfaction is a key role in every human’s life.
For work
Change preposition
Work
show examples
 regular in their interested field, it
distract
Change the verb form
distracts
show examples
person
Add an article
a person
the person
show examples
 from other
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
.
For instance
,
according to
 a survey when humans are doing work in their
interested
Replace the word
interest
show examples
 stream it helps to relieve stress and mental trauma.
People
 who are keen on their
job
also
innovates
Change the verb form
innovate
show examples
 new
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
 which help their country to make
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 worldwide name.
For instance
, Elon Musk gives an advantage to the world by innovating cars and easy money transfer facilities like PayPal.
Job
 contentment is an important aspect of any business. It provides a sense of fulfilment and accomplishment and can positively impact an individual's well-being. In recapitulation,
job
 satisfaction is a primary part of increasing the economy of the country
as well as
 the person's health.
Submitted by milonishekhaliya on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the prompt and covers the main points well. However, work on improving the clarity of your ideas. Some points feel slightly vague or repetitive.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow between points can be improved. Try using more transition words to link ideas smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each main point is well supported with specific examples or explanations. Some ideas in your essay could benefit from more elaboration and support.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a conclusion that summarizes your points well.
task achievement
You mentioned relevant examples to support your ideas, such as the example of Elon Musk and how job satisfaction can lead to innovation.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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