many high level of positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than fifty percent female. compnies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

In
this
present
day
Add a comma
day,
show examples
top
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
of the organisation
are seats
Change the verb form
are seated
show examples
by
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
over
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
.
Moreover
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
more than fifty
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
Change preposition
of women
show examples
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
workforce in developed nations. People are argued that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
should
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
challenge percentages for the
postion
Correct your spelling
position
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
women
and
threat
Fix the agreement mistake
threats
show examples
equally
as
Change preposition
to
show examples
men in the same
was
Correct your spelling
way
show examples
as states threaten
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all employees. From
top
Add an article
the top
show examples
of my view, I do agree with the topics which said, companies should be required to allocate a certain about the
position
. First of all, the
postion
Correct your spelling
position
portion
of high level in the most of company are filled by men more than
women
.
However
, companies must challenge all people to
performing
Change the verb form
perform
show examples
their
abilitie
Correct your spelling
ability
abilities
to
taking
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
a seat
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
high level same as
competative
Correct your spelling
competitive
as equal.
For instance
, the leader of Germany the nation which is in Europe, Angela Markel who is the
Priminister
Correct your spelling
prime minister
and
manage
Correct subject-verb agreement
manages
show examples
her country and
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
show examples
to
Correct pronoun usage
her to
show examples
boost up
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
in Europe
as well as
contribute
her
Change preposition
to her
show examples
own country to be
leader
Add an article
a leader
the leader
show examples
in
Correct article usage
the Euro
show examples
Euro zone
Correct your spelling
Eurozone
show examples
.
On the other hand
, challenging
women
to
filled
Wrong verb form
fill
show examples
out
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
high
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
as men there was
initilly
Correct your spelling
initially
benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
show examples
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
boosting
organisational
Correct article usage
the organisational
show examples
system and
policy
Fix the agreement mistake
policies
show examples
for hiring new
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
show examples
to operate
Add an article
a business
the business
show examples
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
in
additionally
Replace the word
addition
show examples
. In
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
of industries,
women
are
significant
Change the adjective
significantly
show examples
crucial for
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
success in business
such
as
Asia
Change preposition
in Asia
show examples
, Africa, and New Zealand.
For example
, New
Zealand
Change noun form
Zealand's
show examples
leader
Fix the agreement mistake
leaders
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
women
as well as
some of
business
Correct article usage
the business
show examples
industrie
Correct your spelling
industry
industries
in Asia, operating by
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the top and
successful
Add a missing verb
being successful
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
.
To conclude
,
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
position
in organisational and
parlaiment
Correct your spelling
parliament
would be
challenge
Add an article
a challenge
show examples
to all
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
show examples
.
Furthermore
,
sucessfull
Correct your spelling
successful
and challenging will
performing
Wrong verb form
be performed
show examples
by people who are
competating
Correct your spelling
competing
in addition
.
Submitted by Chaiyapat Soka on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To enhance task achievement, ensure that each paragraph has a clear and purposeful topic sentence. This will guide the reader and clarify the main points of your argument.
task achievement
Improving clarity involves proofreading for grammar and sentence structure. Some sentences are confusing or awkwardly constructed, which can obscure your message.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. Use more linking words and transitional phrases to connect your ideas smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen your introduction by clearly stating your thesis and outlining what the main body paragraphs will discuss. This sets a clear direction for your essay.
task achievement
Support your points with more specific examples, data, or research. This adds depth to your argument and demonstrates your knowledge of the topic.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address the topic and provides a clear statement of agreement.
task achievement
There are examples used, such as mentioning Angela Merkel and New Zealand's female leader, which demonstrate an effort to substantiate the argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Gender parity
  • Inclusive workforce
  • Corporate governance
  • Glass ceiling
  • Equal opportunity
  • Progressive policies
  • Workforce diversity
  • Merit-based promotion
  • Affirmative action
  • Empowerment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: