IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph compares employment rates in three sectors of the economy in the UK, 2000-2010 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparions where relevant.

The graph compares employment rates in three sectors of the economy in the UK, 2000-2010 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparions where relevant.
#employment #rates #three #sectors #economy #uk #summarise #information #features #comparions
The line graph gives information about
hiring
Correct article usage
the hiring
show examples
rate
 in
Public
Correct article usage
the Public
show examples
, Private, and Self-employed sectors of the economy, in the UK from 2000 to 2010.
Overall
, in 2000,
Private
Correct article usage
the Private
show examples
sector
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the
most high
Change the adjective
highest
show examples
rate
 of
employment
 but after 10 years, hit a low
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
employment
rates
Fix the agreement mistake
rate
show examples
.
In addition
, the hiring
rate
 of
Private
Correct article usage
the Private
show examples
sector
notablely
Correct your spelling
notably
 declined over the decade.
On the other hand
,
boths
Correct your spelling
both
 of Public
sector
 and
Self-employed
Correct article usage
the Self-employed
show examples
 increased the
rate
 of hiring at the same time. Turning to the data in more detail, in 2000, the Private recruitment rates
have possessed
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 approximately
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
48%. It
steadly
Correct your spelling
steadily
 decreased every
years
Change to a singular noun
year
show examples
,
in
Correct word choice
and in
show examples
 2000, eventually the
rate
 of hiring reached the lowest
rate
 of
employment
 at around 20%.
In contrast
, Public
sector
 and Self-employed
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
employment
 rates
shown
Wrong verb form
show
show examples
 a similar trend.
Also
,
boths
Correct your spelling
both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sectors underwent several changes but
finally
 increased next 10 years. In 2000,
Public
Correct article usage
the Public
show examples
sector
 and
Self-employed
Correct article usage
the Self-employed
show examples
 have around
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
38% and 18% respectively.
In particular
,
Public
Correct article usage
the Public
show examples
sector
 surpassed
Private
Correct article usage
the Private
show examples
sector
 in 2003 and
Self-employed
Correct article usage
the Self-employed
show examples
 exceeded
Private
Correct article usage
the Private
show examples
sector
 in 2008 respectively.
Submitted by subin12260 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words rate, sector, employment with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • employment rates
  • economy
  • sectors
  • agriculture
  • manufacturing
  • services
  • trends
  • increases
  • decreases
  • comparison
  • highest
  • lowest
  • economic policies
  • technological advancements
  • global market demands
  • patterns
  • decade
  • significant changes
  • abrupt changes
  • stability
What to do next:
Look at other essays: