IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The bar chart below shows shares of expenditures for five major categories in United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Japan in the year 2009.

The bar chart below shows shares of expenditures for five major categories in United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Japan in the year 2009.
#bar #shares #expenditures #five #categories #states #canada #kingdom #japan #year
The bar chart provides information about expenses for different living costs
break
Wrong verb form
broken
show examples
 down into 5 main categories (
food
, housing,
transport
, health
care
 and clothing) in four different countries in 2009.
Overall
 it can be seen that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 all four countries spent much more money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
, daily
food
 and
transport
,
while
spent
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 less
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 clothing and medical
care
. In 2009 about 25% of people from
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States
were spend
Change the verb form
spent
show examples
 their
moneys
Change the wording
money
amounts of money
sums of money
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 house expenses which is the
higher
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
 percentage of
expenditute
Correct your spelling
expenditure
expenditures
 for the whole period and between 5
mai
Correct your spelling
main
 categories, followed by
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
, Japan and Canada. Approximately 23% of the population in Japan spent their wages on
food
 and about 20% of them
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
transport
. Meanwhile
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
were
Verb problem
spent
show examples
 about 20% spending on eat and 15% on mobility, followed by Canada
14
Change preposition
with 14
show examples
% on
food
 and 20%
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
transport
, not
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
least
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 with
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
 % of spending on
food
 and about 17% on
transport
.
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
 two of the 5 main categories, which are medical
care
 and clothing experienced less expenses during the year for all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
four countries as spending on health
care
 was incredibly
lower
Replace the word
low
show examples
.
Submitted by yuzgeademova2001 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words food, transport, care with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!