Some people argue that job satisfaction is more important than a high salary. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the given statement?

It is claimed by some
individuals
that
job
satisfaction
is a more notable factor than a high
income
. I disagree with
this
statement, there are several main reasons,
such
as getting something which is wanted and new opportunities for improvement, they will be discussed in
this
essay. The main reason for more importance of having a high
salary
is that people can buy whatever they want.
Money
plays a significant role in people’s lives. To elaborate, most
individuals
desire to meet their needs,
thus
having a high
income
is able to help
coming true
Verb problem
achieve
show examples
their dreams.
For instance
, sometimes
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
expensive products,
such
as shoes, bags, and clothes, can be desirable by
individuals
,
they
Correct word choice
but they
show examples
need
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a lot of
money
to get these products.
Therefore
, earning
highly
Change the adverb
high
show examples
income
is more important than having
job
satisfaction
. In terms of the other reason, a high
salary
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
capable of providing opportunities for personal and professional growth,
such
as investing in
further
education and skill development. To be more specific,
individuals
getting high salaries have the potential
learning
Change the verb form
to learn
show examples
new knowledge thanks to a high
salary
, not
job
satisfaction
in the future.
For example
, people acquiring new knowledge can earn more
money
, if a part of
money
is allocated for their development.
As a result
, a high
income
has the opportunity to obtain
this
improvement.
Hence
, getting a high
salary
is more essential than being pleased with a
job
.
To conclude
, even though it is assumed that
job
satisfaction
is more crucial than having a high
salary
by some people,
however
, in my opinion, a high
salary
is more important for acquiring
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
expensive products and new chances.
Submitted by quluzadenurlan107 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear structure with logical progression of ideas. Breaking your argument into separate paragraphs for each point can help.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition and redundancy. Ensure each sentence contributes new information or builds on a previous point.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to illustrate points. Claims such as 'people acquiring new knowledge can earn more money' could be made clearer with real-world examples.
task achievement
Address counterarguments briefly to show a well-rounded discussion. This demonstrates deeper engagement with the topic.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly presents the essay's stance and outlines the main points that will be discussed.
introduction conclusion present
Conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments and reiterates the writer's stance.
supported main points
The essay presents relevant points to support the central argument, such as the importance of high salaries for purchasing desired items and for personal/professional growth.

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