IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people argue that job satisfaction is more important than a high salary. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the given statement?

#people #job #satisfaction #salary
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It is claimed by some
individuals
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 that
job
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satisfaction
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 is a more notable factor than a high
income
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. I disagree with
this
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 statement, there are several main reasons,
such
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 as getting something which is wanted and new opportunities for improvement, they will be discussed in
this
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 essay. The main reason for more importance of having a high
salary
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 is that people can buy whatever they want.
Money
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 plays a significant role in people’s lives. To elaborate, most
individuals
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 desire to meet their needs,
thus
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 having a high
income
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 is able to help
coming true
Verb problem
achieve
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 their dreams.
For instance
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, sometimes
the
Correct article usage
apply
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expensive products,
such
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 as shoes, bags, and clothes, can be desirable by
individuals
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,
they
Correct word choice
but they
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 need
to
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apply
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a lot of
money
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 to get these products.
Therefore
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, earning
highly
Change the adverb
high
show examples
income
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 is more important than having
job
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satisfaction
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. In terms of the other reason, a high
salary
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 capable of providing opportunities for personal and professional growth,
such
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 as investing in
further
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 education and skill development. To be more specific,
individuals
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 getting high salaries have the potential
learning
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to learn
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 new knowledge thanks to a high
salary
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, not
job
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satisfaction
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 in the future.
For example
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, people acquiring new knowledge can earn more
money
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, if a part of
money
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 is allocated for their development.
As a result
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, a high
income
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 has the opportunity to obtain
this
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 improvement.
Hence
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, getting a high
salary
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 is more essential than being pleased with a
job
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.
To conclude
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, even though it is assumed that
job
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satisfaction
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 is more crucial than having a high
salary
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 by some people,
however
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, in my opinion, a high
salary
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 is more important for acquiring
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
expensive products and new chances.
Submitted by quluzadenurlan107 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear structure with logical progression of ideas. Breaking your argument into separate paragraphs for each point can help.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition and redundancy. Ensure each sentence contributes new information or builds on a previous point.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to illustrate points. Claims such as 'people acquiring new knowledge can earn more money' could be made clearer with real-world examples.
task achievement
Address counterarguments briefly to show a well-rounded discussion. This demonstrates deeper engagement with the topic.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly presents the essay's stance and outlines the main points that will be discussed.
introduction conclusion present
Conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments and reiterates the writer's stance.
supported main points
The essay presents relevant points to support the central argument, such as the importance of high salaries for purchasing desired items and for personal/professional growth.
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