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Writing Samples
Band 5

The charts below show the percentage of males and females who worked in three different sectors in two countries in 2007. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentage of males and females who worked in three different sectors in two countries in 2007. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
As we can see in the Info-Graphic, There are 4 charts that show us men's and women's
percentages
Use synonyms
 of working in different parts of a
country
Use synonyms
. Maximom workers
work
Use synonyms
 in
services
Use synonyms
 and minimom are in
agriculture
Use synonyms
. The percentage of men is more than women in industries. Agricultures
percentages
Use synonyms
 are the least in all 4 piecharts. We can see increasing
percentages
Use synonyms
 in every 4 piecharts from A to B.
Agriculture
Use synonyms
's number is at its highest in males in
country
Use synonyms
 A.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, In
country
Use synonyms
 A, There are 15% of males who
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
 in industry, 29% in
agriculture
Use synonyms
 and 54% in
services
Use synonyms
 and
percentages
Use synonyms
 for the females are 8% in industry, 49% in
services
Use synonyms
 and 42% in
agriculture
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in
country
Use synonyms
 B, males
number is
Verb problem
are
show examples
 32% of industries, 65 per cent for
services
Use synonyms
 and three per cent for
agriculture
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, 11% of women
work
Use synonyms
 in industries, 49% of them
work
Use synonyms
 in
services
Use synonyms
 and only per cent of them
work
Use synonyms
 in
agriculture
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentages, country, work, services, agriculture with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 5 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • employment rates
  • percentage
  • sector
  • comparison
  • male
  • female
  • country
  • evaluation
  • trend
  • proportion
  • data
  • contrast
  • variation
  • labor market
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