Big salary is much more imporant than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree?
Some
people
say that a fat salary
is the
determining factor for choosing a Change the article
a
job
, however
, others argue that satisfaction
from the job
is more important. Personally, I agree with the latter point of view, because I believe job
satisfaction
is the driving force for one's career development in the long run.
Addmitedly
, Correct your spelling
Admittedly
big
Correct article usage
a big
salary
can draw attention
Correct article usage
the attention
from
a good number of applicants Change preposition
of
becuase
most Correct your spelling
because
people
work
for earnings to financially support their lives. With a higher income, one can enjoy better living conditions such
as dwelling in a bigger house located in a safer area, providing children with better education, and accessing vorious
Correct your spelling
various
entertainments
and leisure activities.
Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
Depite
the temptations brought by a fat Correct your spelling
Despite
salary
, vision should not be blurred by the temporary materialized lifestyle. Job
satisfaction
brings benefits in many aspects that is
because a satisfying job
often means better professional development, more promotion oppotunities
, harmonious interpersonal relationships, less working pressure, a good Correct your spelling
opportunities
work
and life balance and so on, which all constitute a brighter career prospect and a healthier lifestyle. For example
, if a person is suffered both physically and mentally from the remendous
workload, eventually his or her Correct your spelling
tremendous
salary
will pay the bills for the treatments, moreover
, the person will become less competitive in his or her profession due to
lack of energy and motivation.
To conclude
, job
satisfaction
should be considered more when people
are choosing their occupations,
because happiness and enjoyment from Remove the comma
apply
work
benefits
Change the verb form
benefit
people
's career development and mode of life. Everyone should work
for life but not work
to live.Submitted by carriexue23 on
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task achievement
Work on expanding specific examples to make arguments more compelling. Currently, examples are somewhat general.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to minor spelling errors and typos (‘Addmitedly’ should be ‘Admittedly’, ‘depite’ should be ‘despite’, ‘oppotunities’ should be ‘opportunities’, ‘vorious’ should be ‘various’, ‘remendous’ should be ‘tremendous’). Correcting these will improve readability.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the discussion effectively.
task achievement
You presented a balanced argument and clear standpoint. This effectively addresses the task prompt.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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