IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Big salary is much more imporant than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree?

#salary #imporant #job #satisfaction
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Some
people
 say that a fat
salary
 is
the
Change the article
a
show examples
 determining factor for choosing a
job
,
however
, others argue that
satisfaction
 from the
job
 is more important. Personally, I agree with the latter point of view, because I believe
job
satisfaction
 is the driving force for one's career development in the long run.
Addmitedly
Correct your spelling
Admittedly
,
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
salary
 can draw
attention
Correct article usage
the attention
show examples
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 a good number of applicants
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
 most
people
work
 for earnings to financially support their lives. With a higher income, one can enjoy better living conditions
such
 as dwelling in a bigger house located in a safer area, providing children with better education, and accessing
vorious
Correct your spelling
various
entertainments
Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
show examples
 and leisure activities.
Depite
Correct your spelling
Despite
 the temptations brought by a fat
salary
, vision should not be blurred by the temporary materialized lifestyle.
Job
satisfaction
 brings benefits in many aspects
that is
 because a satisfying
job
 often means better professional development, more promotion
oppotunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
, harmonious interpersonal relationships, less working pressure, a good
work
 and life balance and so on, which all constitute a brighter career prospect and a healthier lifestyle.
For example
, if a person is suffered both physically and mentally from the
remendous
Correct your spelling
tremendous
 workload, eventually his or her
salary
 will pay the bills for the treatments,
moreover
, the person will become less competitive in his or her profession
due to
 lack of energy and motivation.
To conclude
,
job
satisfaction
 should be considered more when
people
 are choosing their occupations
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because happiness and enjoyment from
work
benefits
Change the verb form
benefit
show examples
people
's career development and mode of life. Everyone should
work
 for life but not
work
 to live.
Submitted by carriexue23 on

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task achievement
Work on expanding specific examples to make arguments more compelling. Currently, examples are somewhat general.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to minor spelling errors and typos (‘Addmitedly’ should be ‘Admittedly’, ‘depite’ should be ‘despite’, ‘oppotunities’ should be ‘opportunities’, ‘vorious’ should be ‘various’, ‘remendous’ should be ‘tremendous’). Correcting these will improve readability.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the discussion effectively.
task achievement
You presented a balanced argument and clear standpoint. This effectively addresses the task prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • priority
  • fulfilling
  • financial security
  • stress
  • motivation
  • contentment
  • intrinsic rewards
  • extrinsic rewards
  • monetary compensation
  • career progression
  • work-life balance
  • opportunities
  • livelihood
  • sustain
  • luxuries
  • perspective
What to do next:
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