Today our communications, medicine and transport systems all depend on computer technology. Our reliance on computer technology in these fields has created a dangerous situations.

#communications #medicine #transport #systems #depend #computer #technology #reliance #fields #situations

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Nowadays our communication, medicine and transport systems

all

Add a missing verb

are all

show examples

according to

Linking Words

computer

Use synonyms

technology

Use synonyms

. Our dependence on

computer

Use synonyms

technology

Use synonyms

in these

sphere

Fix the agreement mistake

spheres

show examples

has made

a unsafe situations

Correct the article-noun agreement

an unsafe situation

unsafe situations

show examples

Although

Linking Words

gadgets help us improve our vital condition and

doing

Verb problem

make

show examples

our life more comfortable. Despite

this

Linking Words

, it may have some negative effects on our

mind

Fix the agreement mistake

minds

show examples

and health. In

Change the article

the

show examples

21st century

technology

Use synonyms

has entered the

lifes

Correct your spelling

lives

show examples

of a large number of

people

Use synonyms

. Gadgets help us accelerate wore at the same time keeping quality, or

people

Use synonyms

can

use

Use synonyms

some types of

transports

Fix the agreement mistake

transport

show examples

in a job that they do not have enough strength.

For instance

Linking Words

, women

use

Use synonyms

washing

machine

Fix the agreement mistake

machines

show examples

in order to speed up the work process.

Also

Linking Words

washing machine washes clothes better than

humans

Use synonyms

Correct word choice

and

show examples

builders

use

Use synonyms

excavators in the construction of buildings because they do not have enough strength

for lifting

Change preposition

to lift

show examples

some heavy things. To make life easier and more convenient,

people

Use synonyms

should employ techniques.

Humans

Use synonyms

should not apply

computer

Use synonyms

technology

Use synonyms

a lot, it may have some negative effects

Change preposition

show examples

Use synonyms

humans

Fix the agreement mistake

human

show examples

health or on the development of the brain. When many

people

Use synonyms

sitting

Wrong verb form

sit

show examples

on their

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

a lot of time their eyesight is getting worse.

For example

Linking Words

, kids who play

Change preposition

apply

show examples

computer

Use synonyms

games

whole

Add an article

the whole

show examples

day

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

are diagnosed

very

Change preposition

as very

show examples

nervous ,

moreover

Linking Words

they

had

Wrong verb form

have

show examples

less appetite in

USA

Correct article usage

the USA

show examples

. The solution to

this

Linking Words

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

was to limit the amount of playing time. In conclusion,

humans

Use synonyms

should employ

computer

Use synonyms

technology

Use synonyms

for

Change preposition

show examples

doing

Verb problem

make

show examples

their life more comfortable and

improving

Wrong verb form

improve

show examples

vital

condition

Fix the agreement mistake

conditions

show examples

However

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

should

use

Use synonyms

mobile phones in limit for their

benefits

Fix the agreement mistake

benefit

show examples

Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on Sat May 18 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Ensure to refine the logical structure of your essay. The progression from one idea to the next needs to be smoother. Consider using appropriate linking words and phrases to improve the flow of information.

task achievement

Work on developing your ideas more comprehensively. Each paragraph should effectively address its main point and provide sufficient detail to be fully convincing.

task achievement

Pay attention to grammar and spelling errors, which can detract from the clarity of the essay. Reviewing your work for common mistakes will increase readability.

coherence cohesion

You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which is crucial for a well-structured essay.

task achievement

You have included relevant specific examples to support your points, which adds credibility to your arguments.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
27
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5

5.5

Logical structure

6.5

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

253 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
It is argued by some that we should feel free to give our data to some academic or business institutions, although others believe that we shouldn’t share every part of our information. This essay will discuss both views and argue in favour of the latter one.
6.5
band
Governments should support care vs fiannce for retired people while others believe that they should save money when they get older. Discuss both views and give your opinion?
Some people believed that Government policy should take into account helping pension people by offering caregiving facilities rather than providing financial assistance. Meanwhile, other people argue that it is an advocate to save funds when they get older. From my perspective, some facilities should be done by the authorities because this is a recognition for them and both reviews are elaborate on.
4.5
band
Nowadays employment options are changing and employees cannot rely on having the same job and working conditions throughout their life. What are some possible causes? Suggest some ways to plan for the future under these circumstances.
In today’s modern era, change is inevitable in relation to employment. Myriad work options may provide a majority of people extremely high chances to choose a job as per their convenience and personal interests. In my opinion, the current job scenarios should change, which may significantly reflect a positive direction to retain the talent. This essay will elucidate the recent causes of change in the employment options and the solutions to tackle it in the future.
6.5
band
Finding job satisfaction is considered to be a luxury in many developing countries. Why do you think that is? Do you think job satisfaction is important? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
It is a prominent step of growth to start a career which we enjoy the most. As the scarcity of jobs in many countries, finding work is not a norm but it is considered to be a bed of roses. In my opinion, job satisfaction is the most necessary need of today’s world to live life more freely which makes folk more motivated.
6.5
band
Many people argue that the Olympic Games have significant benefits for the host country while others believe they are a waste of money. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
It is widely believed that countries organizing the Olympic Games will gain significant advantages; however, there are contradictions regarding this view, as some argue that such international events are a way for countries to squander their funds. Although governments invest substantially in the Olympic Games, the revenue generated from the event is likely to be multiplied by subsequent growth in the tourism industry.

Today our communications, medicine and transport systems all depend on computer technology. Our reliance on computer technology in these fields has created a dangerous situations.

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Governments should support care vs fiannce for retired people while others believe that they should save money when they get older. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

Nowadays employment options are changing and employees cannot rely on having the same job and working conditions throughout their life. What are some possible causes? Suggest some ways to plan for the future under these circumstances.

Finding job satisfaction is considered to be a luxury in many developing countries. Why do you think that is? Do you think job satisfaction is important? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Many people argue that the Olympic Games have significant benefits for the host country while others believe they are a waste of money. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.