IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Men and women are different in terms of their characteristics and abilities. For this reason, some jobs are better done by men and others by women. Do you agree or disagree?

#men #women #terms #characteristics #abilities #reason #jobs
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The demands for hiring employees vary based on individuals'
gender
. Some people believe that there are different careers that suit better for
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 specific
gender
. Admittedly, I partially agree with
this
 point of view, and I am of the opinion that men and
women
 are able to
work
 equally in most domains,
while
 some exceptions should be considered to employ workers
according
Add the preposition
according to
show examples
 their
gender
due to
 manifold reasons that will be elaborated. The most rational justification is that people should have equal rights to
work
 in various jobs and industries. The restriction on hiring particular
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 or
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 will lead to inequality in salaries and
portion
Add an article
a portion
the portion
show examples
 of unemployed people for specific genders. A salient example is that in some developing countries, in
Middle
Correct article usage
the Middle
show examples
 East,
women
 do not have
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 power to negotiate for expected salary, as they are in
minority
Correct article usage
the minority
show examples
. Another compelling argument is that some fields of
work
 are more suitable for men or
women
. It includes the employee's satisfaction to prevent any harmful physical or mental
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 for them,
as well as
 maximizing the capacity of workers in a company to achieve the best outcome in terms of quality and quantity. A good illustration is that
women
 tend to
work
 in domains with
required
Correct article usage
the required
show examples
 ability to do multiple tasks concurrently,
while
 male workers are efficient in focused areas like mechanics and electricians. By way of conclusion, considering the points discussed above, the most rational conclusion to be drawn is that
while
 men and
women
 must benefit
different
Change preposition
from different
show examples
 job opportunities to support their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
, there are some job positions that fit better for
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 specific
gender
due to
 their characteristics and abilities.
Submitted by tahani.nr on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To achieve a higher score, aim to provide more nuanced arguments and examples to support your points. This will show a deeper level of understanding and reasoning.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your ideas flow logically from one to the next. While the essay is mostly coherent, there are a few spots where transitions could be smoother.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is clear and sets up the essay well, providing a balanced viewpoint.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innate
  • biological differences
  • characteristics
  • gender roles
  • stereotypes
  • equal opportunities
  • gender biases
  • fair representation
  • skills
  • qualifications
What to do next:
Look at other essays: