Write about the following topic: Some people think that having a set retirement age (e.g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement?
A few
people
believes
that having a default Change the verb form
believe
retirement
age
for all the
elderly Correct article usage
apply
people
above 65 years regardless of their occupation is unfair. They think that specific employees are deserved
to retire and receive a pension at an earlier Wrong verb form
deserve
age
. This
essay agrees with this
statement. Firstly
it will discuss the health
issues
that an
elderly Correct article usage
apply
people
are facing. Following that it will discuss regarding
the type of workers Change preposition
apply
should
be Correct pronoun usage
who should
benifited
from early Correct your spelling
benefited
retirement
.
In the majority of countries
the Add a comma
countries,
retirement
age
of people
are
set as default. Because of Change the verb form
is
this
the majority of employees are forcing themself to Add a comma
this,
work
untill
their Correct your spelling
until
retirement
age
despite their health
issues
. The recent survey taken among elderly people
illustrate
that, almost fifty to sixty Change the verb form
illustrates
percent
of the citizens who are working in the blue Change the spelling
per cent
colar
Correct your spelling
collar
colour
jobs
are not healthy enough to continue their jobs
. All the occupations as well as
all the employees will not be the same. Health
condition varies from one person to the
another. The best example Correct article usage
apply
for
Change preposition
of
this
situation will be my grandfather. His retirement
was 70. But he got
some Verb problem
had
health
issues
and unable
to Add a missing verb
was unable
work
when he was 65. Because of this
his pension amount was minimized to 60 percent.
Every person's job will not be the same. A few can Add a comma
this,
work
upto
their 70s because of less stress and pressure in their job, Correct your spelling
up to
whereas
some people
can work
untill
Correct your spelling
until
60s
. Correct pronoun usage
their 60s
The
recent study which was conducted on Correct article usage
A
health
of the Correct article usage
the health
people
who are aged more than 50 shows that, the person
who Fix the agreement mistake
people
are
worked on the Unnecessary verb
apply
blue
Add a hyphen
blue-collar
collar
jobs
was weak and tired,
when compared to those Remove the comma
apply
people
who worked on
Change preposition
apply
white
Add a hyphen
white-collar
collar
jobs
. Because of these differences in the
Correct article usage
apply
health
issues
, people
who work
in the
Correct article usage
apply
blue
Add a hyphen
blue-collar
collar
jobs
should have a different retirement
age
when compared to those who are working on
Change preposition
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
white
Add a hyphen
white-collar
collar
jobs
.
In conclusion, every people
should have Fix the agreement mistake
person
different
Correct article usage
a different
retirement
age
based on their occupation. Government
or an Organization should set different criteria for the Correct article usage
The government
retirement
age
. As a result
of this
, people
who are working on
different occupations will be Change preposition
in
benifited
.Correct your spelling
benefited
Submitted by r.harip3 on
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coherence cohesion
Try to strengthen the essay by ensuring that each paragraph focuses on a single clear idea. This can help improve the logical structure of your writing.
task achievement
Address the grammar and vocabulary errors throughout the essay to improve clarity and comprehension. For example, consistently use singular or plural nouns correctly and ensure subject-verb agreement.
task achievement
Add more relevant and specific examples to support your main points, making them more compelling and illustrating your arguments effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps the reader understand the main arguments.
task achievement
You’ve identified specific groups of workers who might benefit from early retirement, which makes your argument more compelling.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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