The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.  Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
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The bar chart illustrates the number of males and females from different generations who
do
Wrong verb form
did
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some exercise for their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
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, in Australia, in 2010 .
Overall
Linking Words
,There were different
age
Use synonyms
groups from 15 to 65 and over .
According to
Linking Words
data
Correct article usage
the data
show examples
,
It is clear that
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
men
Use synonyms
have the highest percentage of all the
dye
Fix the agreement mistake
dyes
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except
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
age
Use synonyms
of 15 to 24 the
women
Use synonyms
were the highest . compared with
men
Use synonyms
and
women
Use synonyms
underage is
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
24 the
women
Use synonyms
have 52.8 .
While
Linking Words
men
Use synonyms
47.7
Add a missing verb
were 47.7
show examples
from the other side of the graph , the
men
Use synonyms
there were almost equal between
men
Use synonyms
and
women
Use synonyms
under
age
Use synonyms
65 and over. The graph shows a slight difference which is just 0.1 percent .
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
age
Use synonyms
group of
Age
Use synonyms
between
men
Use synonyms
and
women
Use synonyms
from 25 to 34
men
Use synonyms
had 48.4
while
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
had 42.2.
Finally
Linking Words
,
Women
Use synonyms
and
men
Use synonyms
from 35 to 64 the
men
Use synonyms
who did regular physical exercise were more than
Women
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by buyabuya201 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, men, women with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Australian men
  • Australian women
  • Age groups
  • Regular physical activity
  • Participated
  • Increased
  • Decreased
  • Proportion
  • Physically active
  • Gender difference
  • Engaged
  • Exercise
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