IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

During a recent plane journey, you sat next to a business person who owns a chain of restaurants. You talked to him/her and he/she suggested that you should contact him/her about a possible job in one of his/her restaurants. Write a letter to this person. In your letter - Remind him/her when and where you met - Tell him/her what kind of job you are interested in - Say why you think you would be suitable for the job

#plane #journey #business #person #chain #restaurants #contact #job
Dear Mr Johnson. I am writing to get a
job
 in one of your restaurants. I
wont
Correct your spelling
want
show examples
 to remind you
off
Replace the word
of
show examples
 our conversation when we
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 on a plane, you invited me
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 your restaurant chain. It is important to mention that, I am very happy to accept your offer, because I have plans to change country and my new
job
 will help me with
this
. I worked as a su-chef for three years in a small bar where I started working after college. I have two diplomas on completion of
sushi making
Add a hyphen
sushi-making
show examples
 courses,
also
 I ended five years scope of discussion college.
More over
Correct your spelling
Moreover
show examples
 I am very responsible and you can rely on me, I can
also
 do the manager’s
job
. I think I would be suitable for the
job
 because I have a
big
Fix the agreement mistake
lot of
show examples
 work experience and you won’t have problems with
my
Correct pronoun usage
me
show examples
. I look forward to your reply.
Your
Correct pronoun usage
Yours
show examples
 sincerely Olga.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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grammar
There are several grammatical errors and typos in your letter. Improving your grammar and proofreading your work will help make your letter more professional.
task response
Try to provide further details about your skills and experiences, and how they will be beneficial to the job you are interested in. This will give the employer a clearer picture of your qualifications.
task response
You have clearly mentioned when and where you met the business person, which is an important part of the task.
task response
You have provided specific information about your work experience and qualifications, which strengthens your application.
coherence cohesion
The letter has a clear structure with an opening, body paragraphs, and a closing, making it easy to follow.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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