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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below show the mos popular films the genre for men and women and general ticket sales for different types of film in the USA in 2010.

The charts below show the mos popular films the genre for men and women and general ticket sales for different types of film in the USA in 2010.
#show #mos #films #genre #men #women #ticket #sales #film #usa
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The charts
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information about the
mos
Correct your spelling
most
 popular
films
Use synonyms
 the genre for
men
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 and
women
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 and general ticket sales for different types of
Use synonyms
film
Fix the agreement mistake
films
show examples
 in the USA in 2010. It was given in two charts; on
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand helps to get detailed information about the main features, on
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand gives
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to make
comparisions
Correct your spelling
comparisons
 where relevant.
Overall
Linking Words
, in the bar
chart
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
films
Fix the agreement mistake
film
show examples
 genres:
action
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,
comedy
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,
thriller
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, science fiction, western,
romantic
Correct word choice
and romantic
show examples
comedy
Use synonyms
 were categorised
due to
Linking Words
 gender. The information which was given in the pie
chart
Use synonyms
 includes box-office takings in 2010 in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
.
Action
Use synonyms
films
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 the most popular for 40
men
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due to
Linking Words
Use synonyms
chart
Correct article usage
the chart
show examples
,
where as
Correct your spelling
whereas
show examples
 just 5
men
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prefered
Correct your spelling
preferred
 watching
romantic
Add an article
a romantic
show examples
Use synonyms
comedy
Fix the agreement mistake
comedies
show examples
. Compared to romantic
comedy
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,
comedy
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 ranked in second with 20
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
.
Thriller
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 came in third place in the
chart
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,
while
Linking Words
 science fiction and western genres headed the next
list
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 with the same popularity, 10
men
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. Compared to the
men
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, romantic
comedy
Use synonyms
 was
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
 top of the
list
Use synonyms
according
Add the preposition
according to
show examples
 its idolization for the 30
women
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.
Action
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films
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 on average, so it came on the second
list
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 for
women
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. Science fiction was lower than the
thriller
Use synonyms
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 were 5 and 10
women
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, respectively. Western
films
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 were
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 same range for both males and females.
Action
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 is the most viewed by
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
film
Use synonyms
 lovers
due to
Linking Words
Correct article usage
the piechart
show examples
piechart
Correct article usage
the piechart
show examples
, containing two-fifths, as opposed to
thriller
Use synonyms
, which was
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
Change preposition
at
show examples
of
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the
bottom
Change to a plural noun
bottoms
show examples
 of the lists.
Comedy
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 is the most regarded
than
Change preposition
of
show examples
romantic
Add an article
a romantic
show examples
comedy
Use synonyms
.
Comedy
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 and romantic
comedy
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 headed 24 and 12 per cent, in turn. On the dip of the
chart
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 ranked other
film
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 genres with one in twenty.
Action
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films
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 controlled the top
list
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 not only for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
men
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,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other
film
Use synonyms
 lovers.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "due to".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 85%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words films, men, women, film, chart, action, comedy, thriller, list with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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