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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the comparison of different kinds of energy production of France in two years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feature, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts below show the comparison of different kinds of energy production of France in two years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feature, and make comparisons where relevant.
These two pie
charts
Use synonyms
 provide a Comparison of
Energy
Use synonyms
 Production in France. Both pie
charts
Use synonyms
 link between years and comparison of multiple sources of
Energy
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
the
Remove the article
apply
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both
charts
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 of gas in 2005 was bigger than
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the consumption
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consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
show examples
 in 1995. It can clearly seen that petro
consumption
Use synonyms
 has declined by about 10% in 10 years.
Also
Linking Words
, gas
consumption
Use synonyms
 rose by about 1.3%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, coal
also
Linking Words
 increased 2%.
While
Linking Words
 Nuclear boomed to 10.10%. As same, the other source of
energy
Use synonyms
 has rais to 9.10%. Regarding the given data, it is remarkable that there is a leap in the process of finding other sources of
energy
Use synonyms
 that are friendly to
environment
Add an article
the environment
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 and that
for
Change preposition
apply
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earth
sick
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
. The lowest point of consuming
energy
Use synonyms
 was other resources which reached 4.9% in 1995. In reference to both pie
charts
Use synonyms
, to noticeable
figures
Add a comma
figures,
show examples
 there is a great movement to use another type of
energy
Use synonyms
 to help the environment by reducing gas.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words charts, energy, consumption with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "comparison" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "comparison" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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