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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the comparison of different kinds of energy production of France in two years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feature, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts below show the comparison of different kinds of energy production of France in two years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feature, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #comparison #kinds #energy #production #france #two #years #summarise #information #feature #comparisons
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These two pie
charts
 provide a Comparison of
Energy
 Production in France. Both pie
charts
 link between years and comparison of multiple sources of
Energy
.
According to
the
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both
charts
consumption
 of gas in 2005 was bigger than
Correct article usage
the consumption
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consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
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 in 1995. It can clearly seen that petro
consumption
 has declined by about 10% in 10 years.
Also
, gas
consumption
 rose by about 1.3%.
Furthermore
, coal
also
 increased 2%.
While
 Nuclear boomed to 10.10%. As same, the other source of
energy
 has rais to 9.10%. Regarding the given data, it is remarkable that there is a leap in the process of finding other sources of
energy
 that are friendly to
environment
Add an article
the environment
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 and that
for
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earth
sick
Correct word choice
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. The lowest point of consuming
energy
 was other resources which reached 4.9% in 1995. In reference to both pie
charts
, to noticeable
figures
Add a comma
figures,
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 there is a great movement to use another type of
energy
 to help the environment by reducing gas.
Submitted by hanadi.alajmi92 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words charts, energy, consumption with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "comparison" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "comparison" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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