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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart bleow shows the production and consumption of rice in seven different countries in 2008

The chart bleow shows the production and consumption of rice in seven different countries in 2008
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The featured bar chart compares how
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
rice
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 produced and sold in seven countries in 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, China had more
produciton
Correct your spelling
production
 and
consumption
Use synonyms
 of
rice
Use synonyms
 than other countries,
while
Linking Words
 that figure for Japan
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 the lowest one. The
demands
Fix the agreement mistake
demand
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of
Change preposition
for
show examples
rice
Use synonyms
 in
Bangladesh
Use synonyms
,
Indonesia
Correct word choice
and Indonesia
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 were higher than
supply
Correct article usage
the supply
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,
while
Linking Words
 it
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 different in India,
Vietam
Correct your spelling
Vietnam
 and Thailand. It is clear from the graph that China produced and consumed 14
million
Use synonyms
tons
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
rice
Change preposition
of rice
show examples
 in 2008, ranked as the highest one. Followed by India, with 13
million
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tons
Use synonyms
 in
production
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 and 12
million
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 in
consumption
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.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
rice
Use synonyms
 consumed by individuals in
Vietam
Correct your spelling
Vietnam
 and Thailand
less
Add a missing verb
is less
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 than its
production
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, with 2 and 3
million
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 in
consumption
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 respectively.
However
Linking Words
, that figure for
production
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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beyond 4
million
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.
By contrast
Linking Words
, people in
Bangladesh
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 and Indonesia
comsumed
Correct your spelling
consumed
consume
 more
rice
Use synonyms
. In 2008,
Bangladesh
Use synonyms
 produced 6
million
Use synonyms
tons
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
rice
Change preposition
of rice
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 but consumed 7
million
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tons
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 that figure for Indonesia
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
silght
Correct your spelling
slightly
slight
 higher than
Bangladesh
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. Apart from that, Japan had the lowest
production
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 and
consumption
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 with 2
million
Use synonyms
tons
Use synonyms
 in both.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words rice, consumption, bangladesh, million, tons, production with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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