IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Other believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

#university #students #subjects #addition #time #attention #qualification
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The advancement of time and technology certainly requires
students
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 to always develop themselves, especially
the
Correct article usage
apply
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university
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students
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. When
students
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 enter a
university
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, of
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course
Add the comma(s)
course,
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 they choose one major with one compulsory
subject
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 and materials related to their discipline. Some
students
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 consider they must focus on their main
subject
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 in order to get a maximum result
while
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 getting a qualification for their field.
However
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, other
students
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 may have confidence that one of the ways to be able
compete
Add the particle
to compete
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 with other job candidates is by learning topics
in addition
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 to their gist material. I want to discuss both sides of the argument. The Ministry of Education in the Republic of Indonesia, Nadiem Makarim said that in the future, a job opportunity would not be opened solely to match the candidate’s background of study
,
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apply
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 but to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
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 their interests,
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
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, experience, and knowledge.
On the other hand
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, every
student
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 has different interests and talents.
Consequently
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, other subjects can give opportunity to each
student
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 to develop their
out of the box
Add a hyphen
out-of-the-box
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 ideas, based on their ability. In fact,
much
Change the quantifier
many students
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student
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 after
finish in
Wrong verb form
finishing
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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university
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and
Correct word choice
apply
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than
Change preposition
apply
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work
Verb problem
do
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 not
releate
Correct your spelling
relate
release
related
with
Change preposition
to
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 their major so shows
that
Correct word choice
apply
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how is very important for
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 to
can
Verb problem
apply
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learn various dicipline. If
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 have
understanding
Correct article usage
an understanding
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 and provision of knowledge of
course
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 will
became
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become
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 good
consideration
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considerations
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 for the company. Hopefully, later the
student
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 can survive and can get a job easily.
On the other hand
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,
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 focus
to
Change preposition
on
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main
Change the article
the main
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course
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 actually
what
Correct your spelling
want
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 the
subject
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 that they choose have
releate
Correct your spelling
relevant
 and to be able follow
material
Add an article
the material
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 in
university
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.
Usually
Add a comma
Usually,
show examples
 the
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 who have
dream
Fix the agreement mistake
dreams
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 become lecturer of
course
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 they not interested
learning
Change preposition
in learning
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other
Change the wording
another subject
other subjects
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subject
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 because they
assumes
Change the verb form
assume
show examples
can
Correct word choice
that can
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 waste time and can get
maximum
Correct article usage
the maximum
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 target for a qualification. Summing up, the
student
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 can focus priority to
main
Change the article
the main
show examples
course
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 when feel better in the future
for example
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became
Wrong verb form
becoming
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lecturer
Correct article usage
a lecturer
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 or researcher.
Likewise
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for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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want
Add the particle
want to
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 explore and expand
the
Change the word
their
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 knowledge so can take other
Use synonyms
course
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
show examples
 but still not
leaving
Wrong verb form
leave
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gist
Correct article usage
the gist
show examples
course
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by writingbersama on

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grammar
Ensure that sentences are correctly structured and grammatically accurate. For example, 'much student after finish' should be 'many students after finishing'.
example
Develop main points with clearer explanations and more specific examples to support your ideas. Instead of saying 'not related with their major,' you can mention specific fields or industries.
coherence
Improve transitions between paragraphs to enhance overall coherence. Use phrases such as 'On one hand,' 'Additionally,' 'Conversely,' etc., to better guide the reader through your argument.
vocabulary
Use a broader range of vocabulary and more precise terms to articulate your points more clearly and effectively.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize the main points effectively.
task
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, fulfilling the task requirements satisfactorily.
example
Attempt to provide relevant examples to support the main points, which helps in illustrating the arguments made.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
What to do next:
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