Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Other believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

The advancement of time and technology certainly requires
students
to always develop themselves, especially
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university
students
. When
students
enter a
university
, of
course
Add the comma(s)
course,
show examples
they choose one major with one compulsory
subject
and materials related to their discipline. Some
students
consider they must focus on their main
subject
in order to get a maximum result
while
getting a qualification for their field.
However
, other
students
may have confidence that one of the ways to be able
compete
Add the particle
to compete
show examples
with other job candidates is by learning topics
in addition
to their gist material. I want to discuss both sides of the argument. The Ministry of Education in the Republic of Indonesia, Nadiem Makarim said that in the future, a job opportunity would not be opened solely to match the candidate’s background of study
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
their interests,
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
, experience, and knowledge.
On the other hand
, every
student
has different interests and talents.
Consequently
, other subjects can give opportunity to each
student
to develop their
out of the box
Add a hyphen
out-of-the-box
show examples
ideas, based on their ability. In fact,
much
Change the quantifier
many students
show examples
student
after
finish in
Wrong verb form
finishing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
work
Verb problem
do
show examples
not
releate
Correct your spelling
relate
release
related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
their major so shows
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
how is very important for
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
to
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
learn various dicipline. If
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
have
understanding
Correct article usage
an understanding
show examples
and provision of knowledge of
course
will
became
Change the verb form
become
show examples
good
consideration
Fix the agreement mistake
considerations
show examples
for the company. Hopefully, later the
student
can survive and can get a job easily.
On the other hand
,
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
focus
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
main
Change the article
the main
show examples
course
actually
what
Correct your spelling
want
show examples
the
subject
that they choose have
releate
Correct your spelling
relevant
and to be able follow
material
Add an article
the material
show examples
in
university
.
Usually
Add a comma
Usually,
show examples
the
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
who have
dream
Fix the agreement mistake
dreams
show examples
become lecturer of
course
they not interested
learning
Change preposition
in learning
show examples
other
Change the wording
another subject
other subjects
show examples
subject
because they
assumes
Change the verb form
assume
show examples
can
Correct word choice
that can
show examples
waste time and can get
maximum
Correct article usage
the maximum
show examples
target for a qualification. Summing up, the
student
can focus priority to
main
Change the article
the main
show examples
course
when feel better in the future
for example
became
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
lecturer
Correct article usage
a lecturer
show examples
or researcher.
Likewise
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
want
Add the particle
want to
show examples
explore and expand
the
Change the word
their
show examples
knowledge so can take other
course
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
show examples
but still not
leaving
Wrong verb form
leave
show examples
gist
Correct article usage
the gist
show examples
course
.
Submitted by writingbersama on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Ensure that sentences are correctly structured and grammatically accurate. For example, 'much student after finish' should be 'many students after finishing'.
example
Develop main points with clearer explanations and more specific examples to support your ideas. Instead of saying 'not related with their major,' you can mention specific fields or industries.
coherence
Improve transitions between paragraphs to enhance overall coherence. Use phrases such as 'On one hand,' 'Additionally,' 'Conversely,' etc., to better guide the reader through your argument.
vocabulary
Use a broader range of vocabulary and more precise terms to articulate your points more clearly and effectively.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize the main points effectively.
task
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, fulfilling the task requirements satisfactorily.
example
Attempt to provide relevant examples to support the main points, which helps in illustrating the arguments made.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
What to do next:
Look at other essays: