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Some parents are worried about increasing level of violence in t. V, video games and other entertainment for children leisure. How does this affect children. How do you think problem can be tackled?

#parents #level #violence #v #video #games #entertainment #children #leisure #affect
Most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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parents
 are concerned about brutality shown in T. V programs, online games and other means of amusement which affect
adversly
Correct your spelling
adversely
 the cognitive development of young ones.
However
,
this
 issue can be mitigated by keeping
check
Add an article
a check
show examples
 on the youngsters by their guardians. To commence with, spending a lot of leisure hours
while
 watching inconsistent
stuff
 on screens can have a severe effect on tender brains . To elaborate
it
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apply
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, childhood is an age
where
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when
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children
 imitate the things which attract them , so they try to apply the violence shown in reel life
on
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in
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 real life. As a
consequences
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consequence
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 at
very
Correct article usage
the very
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Unmatture
Correct your spelling
Immature
 phase of their
life
Add a comma
life,
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 they become criminals.
For example
,
according to
 a survey done in the USA
enomrous
Correct your spelling
enormous
 teenagers become part of gangs by just playing
an
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
 watching
such
 kind of
stuff
 in GTA 5 which is
Correct article usage
a maafia
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maafia
Correct your spelling
mafia
 based video game.
Therefore
 ,
violence based
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violence-based
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 T. V shows and virtual games
proves
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prove
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 to be hazardous for
mental
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the mental
show examples
 development of young ones.
On the other hand
,
parents
 should keep
eye
Correct article usage
an eye
show examples
 on
activities
Correct article usage
the activities
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 of
children
 which can overcome
this
 problem to
great
Correct article usage
a great
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extend
Replace the word
extent
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. To explain it, the
neglegeo
Correct your spelling
negligee
neglect
 of
parents
 is the main factor behind the overuse of gadgets and watching ferocious
stuff
 on screens, so if
parents
 would limit the time of
such
 activities of their wards and forbid them strictly
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 watching assaulted videos,
children
 can be saved from becoming victims of
such
 materials shown on screens.
For instance
, according
an
Change preposition
to an
show examples
 article published in 'The Tribune'
parents
 who are aware
about
Change the preposition
of
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 the development phase of their
children
 keep
check
Change the verb form
checking
show examples
 on them to control their use of
T. V
Correct your spelling
TV
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 and video games In conclusion,
although
 unfair
stuff
 shown in
virtual
Add an article
the virtual
show examples
 world
put
Verb problem
has
show examples
 adverse effects on tender minds,
as a result
 of which they commit crimes in reality, guardians should become aware of what their child is watching or playing on screen which can reduce the
bad
Correct word choice
negative
show examples
 effects of
such
 things.
Submitted by japjotsandhu8553 on

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Work on forming more grammatically correct sentences and reducing typographical errors for a more polished presentation. Additionally, try to use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your writing.
task achievement
Improve the clarity of your ideas by avoiding overly complex sentences that could confuse the reader. Make sure each idea is clearly articulated and supported with relevant examples.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively and provides a clear response to the question about the impact of violence in media on children.
task achievement
The essay uses specific examples, such as the reference to GTA 5 and The Tribune, to support the main points.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, which help to frame the essay and give a sense of completeness.

Your opinion

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If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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