Some people get into debt by buying things they do not need and are unable to afford. What are the reasons for this behaviour? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?
Some individuals have multiple debts because they have the
impuls
to buy Correct your spelling
impulse
everythings
and sometimes, they have the same Correct your spelling
everything
impuls
even so they can not afford what they want to buy. To face Correct your spelling
impulse
this
problem
, the
society needs to understand the root of the Correct article usage
apply
problem
and needs to have a clear overview of the problem
and its consequences, in order to avoid these kind
of issues.
Many Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
people
that are suffering for somethings
are the same that today we know as Correct your spelling
some things
shopholics
. If a human being feels Correct your spelling
shopaholics
underpressure
or overwhelmed he/she has the temptation Correct your spelling
under pressure
of
spend money in order to give Change preposition
to
to them self
a little piece of joy and replace that feeling with the worst part of the day. Correct pronoun usage
themselves
For
example
there are Add a comma
example,
people
that
Correct word choice
apply
they
can spend more than what they have in their wallet without Correct pronoun usage
who
think
the Change the verb form
thinking
consequence
.
Fix the agreement mistake
consequences
This
problem
can have a huge impact on our communities. Debts
Fix the agreement mistake
Debt problems
problem
are often the cause of depression, social anxiety and family problems. To improve our society upfront this
issue, the government needs to implement the knowledge trough
Correct your spelling
through
people
, especially young guys before getting older. For example
, institutions should add a new subject from the first year of middle school and last
of high school to teach how to save and how to spend money in a rational way. Most Correct article usage
the last
important
professors should teach them what are the consequences.
In conclusion, for many Replace the word
importantly
people
life is hard, and when a person needs help, the same one, have
to learn what it can be better to do to sedate their frustration before Correct subject-verb agreement
has
add
problems Change the verb form
adding
on
other problems. As far as I am concerned Change preposition
to
into
the root there is always the key to Change preposition
apply
solve
the issue, we just need to find it.Wrong verb form
solving
Submitted by bucciarellianna3 on
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task achievement
Your essay provides a comprehensive response to the task by addressing both reasons for debt and possible preventative actions. However, some ideas could be further elaborated and clarified. Adding more specific real-world examples can strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on ensuring a logical structure. Ensure each paragraph has one main idea that is clearly supported and connected to the others. For instance, expand on the concept of 'shopaholics' and how pressures lead to debt with more detailed evidence and analysis.
coherence cohesion
Make transitions between ideas and paragraphs smoother. For example, use linking words and phrases like 'Moreover,' 'Furthermore,' and 'As a result.' This will enhance the flow of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
You have structured your essay with a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in presenting your argument effectively.
complete response
The essay addresses both parts of the question: the reasons for debt and suggested actions to prevent it, showing a complete response.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.