IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Surveys conducted in 1982 and 2002 show different pictures of what motivate students to choose a college or university in the UK Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

#surveys #show #pictures #students #college #university #uk #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The featured pie charts illustrate the proportion of six
factors
 that affect
students
' willingness to
further
 study in university or college in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 between 1982 and 2002.
Overall
, more
students
 deem amenities, social activities, sports facilities and reputation of the institution as the important
factors
,
while
 there is a different trend for other
factors
. It is clear from the graph that there was 40%
students
Change preposition
of students
show examples
regard
Wrong verb form
regarded
show examples
stuitable
Correct your spelling
suitable
 courses and degrees as the significant motivation to enter
into
Change preposition
apply
show examples
college in 1982, followed by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
costs at 28%.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
show examples
students
 who recognized location as the reason took up 19% in 1982.
Additionally
, that figure for admission criteria was only 3%. Coincidentally, all of those four
factors
 saw a
Correct your spelling
downward
downupward
Correct your spelling
downward
 over the next 20 years. In 2002, the proportion of proper courses&degrees, costs, location and
admissioin
Correct your spelling
admission
admissions
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 34%, 5%,16% and 2% respectively.
By contrast
, the percentage of
ammentities
Correct your spelling
amenities
, social activities, sports facilities and reputation of the
insititution
Correct your spelling
institution
 has increased. More
students
choose
Wrong verb form
chose
show examples
 reputation into
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
consideration, resulting
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 percentage of it
rose
Wrong verb form
rising
show examples
 from 5% to 25%.
Similarly
, that figure for ASS
climed
Correct your spelling
climbed
 from 5% to 18%.
Submitted by 1356388645 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
You have provided a clear response to the task by summarizing the main features effectively. However, some information could be clearer. For example, explain the abbreviations like 'ASS' and ensure figures complement the explanation.
task achievement
Ensure all sentences are grammatically correct and clear. For instance, 'there was 40% students regard stuitable courses' could be changed to '40% of students regarded suitable courses'. Pay attention to minor spelling mistakes such as 'ammentities' to 'amenities' or 'insititution' to 'institution'.
coherence cohesion
Linking words have been used effectively to guide the reader through the essay, but some transitions could be smoother. For example, 'By contrast' could be expanded to 'By contrast, there was an increase in the importance of amenities' to make the connection clearer.
coherence cohesion
The introduction is present but the conclusion is somewhat implicit. Summarize the key findings neatly in the conclusion to wrap up the essay.
coherence cohesion
You have identified and compared the trends in the data over the two years clearly.
task achievement
The main features of the data are well-selected and appropriately reported.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: