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Writing Samples
Band 5

The chart below show percentage of water used in different sectors in Sydney, Australia in 1997 and 2007.

The chart below show percentage of water used in different sectors in Sydney, Australia in 1997 and 2007.
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The pie chart data on the rate of total
water
Use synonyms
 usage in the 1997 and 2007 years in Sydney.
Overall
Linking Words
, in 1997,
while
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 the spending of
water
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 on the food
industry
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, manufacturing and building
industry
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 decreased in
Change the article
the
show examples
2007
year
Use synonyms
, the percentage of service
industry
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 and household use have
on the contrary
Linking Words
 increased.
To begin
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 with the food
industry
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, where there was the biggest percentage of
water
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 usage, in 1997, it was 48%, which in 2007
year
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 became 41%. In manufacturing sphere, there was 15% in the 1997
year
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,
however
Linking Words
, in the 2007
year
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, it decreased to 11%. And regarding building works, in the 2007
year
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 it was only 2%,
although
Linking Words
 in the 1997
year
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 was 5%.
Then
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 in the service
industry
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, in 2007 people spent 25% on
water
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, in spite of in 1997 they spent only 13%. Regarding households, in
Change the article
the
show examples
1997
year
Use synonyms
,
water
Use synonyms
 usage in
this
Linking Words
 part was only 19 per cent, but
nevertheless
Linking Words
, as we can see,
this
Linking Words
 number increased to exactly 21 per cent.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, industry, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • water consumption
  • percent
  • sector
  • domestic
  • industrial
  • agriculture
  • comparison
  • trends
  • decrease
  • increase
  • significant
  • resource management
  • sustainability
  • efficiency
  • conservation
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