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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the average percentages in typicl meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant

The charts below show the average percentages in typicl meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant
#show #percentages #typicl #meals #three #nutrients #information #features #comparison
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The charts illustrate the average proportion of three different types of nutrients in the meals which may
causes
Change the verb form
cause
show examples
 health problems from eating too much. The general overview is that the meal that
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 the highest
sodium
Use synonyms
 and saturated fat ratio among all the meals is the dinner
whereas
Linking Words
 the added
sugar
Use synonyms
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
 the majority contained in
snacks
Use synonyms
. It can be seen that the dinner meal
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
accounted for 43% of
sodium
Use synonyms
, followed by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
saturated fat and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
added
sugar
Use synonyms
 with the figures being 37% and 23% respectively.
Next,
Linking Words
the
percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sodium
Use synonyms
 in a lunch meal is occupied by 29%,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
saturated fat with 26% and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
added
sugar
Use synonyms
 with 19%. Moving on to the first meal of the day, breakfast,
containing
Wrong verb form
contains
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 proportion of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
added
sugar
Use synonyms
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
saturated fat equal
16
Change preposition
to 16
show examples
% and it has 14%
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sodium
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the
snacks
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 contain
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sodium
Use synonyms
 as well, yet not
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 high amount with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 figure of 14%. The
Use synonyms
snacks
Add a verb
snacks are
snacks were
show examples
also
Linking Words
 responsible for contains 21% of the saturated fat.
Finally
Linking Words
, the largest amount of nutrient
contains
Wrong verb form
contained
show examples
 in the
snacks
Use synonyms
 is the added
sugar
Use synonyms
, occupying
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
42%.
Submitted by pnakasont on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sodium, sugar, snacks with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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