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Writing Samples
Band 6

The lie chart below shows the proportions of british students at one university in england who were able to speak other languages on addition to english, in 2000 and 2010.

The lie chart below shows the proportions of british students at one university in england who were able to speak other languages on addition to english, in 2000 and 2010.
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The pie chart illustrates the proportions of United
kingdom
Capitalize word
Kingdom
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 students in universities in England who have the ability to speak other languages
in addition
Linking Words
 to English, in 2000 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
It is clear that
Linking Words
Spanish
Use synonyms
 became the most popular
language
Use synonyms
 by far in both years.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, pupils who were able to speak in
Spanish
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 increased
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 dominance,
while
Linking Words
 other languages were unstable. The three biggest languages which students were mastering
on
Change preposition
apply
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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in 2000 were
Spanish
Use synonyms
, no other
language
Use synonyms
, and another
language
Use synonyms
 with 30%, 20% and 15% respectively.
However
Linking Words
, whilst
Spanish
Use synonyms
 increased its number of students by 5%, no other
language
Use synonyms
 faced a notable decrease to 10%. Despite an average increase of 15% to 20% in 2010, another
language
Use synonyms
 replaced no other
language
Use synonyms
 as the second highest of pupils number in 2010.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words spanish, language with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportions" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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