IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The chart and graph below give information about three categories of workers in Australia and the unemployment level within those groups.

The chart and graph below give information about three categories of workers in Australia and the unemployment level within those groups.
#information #three #categories #workers #australia #unemployment #level #groups
The
chart
 and the graph illustrate the
figures
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
three
 kinds of employees in
Australia
 and the unemployment rate within those brackets. Generally speaking, it can be seen that people who were born in
Australia
 (BIA)
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the majority of
workforce
Add an article
the workforce
show examples
.
While
 in the second
chart
, it can
also
 be observed that the unemployment level of all
three
 groups declined
throught
Correct your spelling
throughout
through
 the decade. Beginning with the employees born in
English - speaking
Correct your spelling
English-speaking
show examples
 countries (
ESC
), the
figures
 were similar to those
non-English-speaking
Change preposition
of non-English-speaking
show examples
 countries (
NESC
).
Figures
Correct article usage
The figures
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
ESC
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 14 per
cent
 and the
NESC
 was 10 per
cent
.
While
 the
data
 of workforce born in
Australia
 was over
three
 quarter per
cent
 and account for a huge place in the pie
chart
.
Besides
, the information of
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 other groups was smaller and lower than the group which had the highest
data
 and percentage in
chart
Add an article
the chart
a chart
show examples
. Turning to the remaining statistics, it is apparent that the
NESC
 included the
data
 which was always the highest through a decade from 1993 to 2003. At the beginning of the timeframe, the
data
 of that
chart
 started with approximately seven per
cent
while
 the lowest was
ESC
 which started
over
Change preposition
at over
show examples
three
 per
cent
 in 1993. There was a drop in the following time
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the statistics of
NESC
 and it considerably declined until
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
half in 1997. After that time, it fluctuated to the end of
timeframe
Correct article usage
the timeframe
show examples
 and ended with nearly
three
 per
cent
. The lowest line was
ESC
 and the
figures
 fluctuated until ended time with nearly one point five
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Australia
 started
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 four per
cent
 but there was a drop in the following year and slightly decreased until
end
Add an article
the end
show examples
 of
timeframe
Correct article usage
the timeframe
show examples
 at the point
two
Change preposition
of two
show examples
 per
cent
.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, figures, three, australia, esc, nesc, cent, data with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: