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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that teacher should be responsible for teaching students to judge what is right and what is wrong so that they can behave. Others say that teacher should only teach student academic subjects. Discuss both view with your own opinion?

#people #teacher #students #judge #right #student #subjects
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Nowadays, the discussion about the teacher's role in shaping student's behaviour is going strong. Some argue that
children
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's character building should become their parent's responsibility. The rest think that teaching is a shared responsibility of the teacher since the parent already spent a reasonable amount of money to get the best possible education ever. And I could see the plus and minus in both statements. On the one hand, parents did not have enough free time to supervise their
children
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's activities, which is why
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teachers
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teachers'
teacher's
show examples
 roles in helping
children
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's moral learning progress are significantly important. With an adult's guidance, students can understand how to behave, how to become more tolerant toward others, and how to respect the differences among them.
On the other hand
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, the capability of
teachers
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 is
also
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 limited, since they need to keep an eye on every single student at the school.
Due to
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 the standard of performance scores they need to achieve, some
teachers
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 only focus on teaching academic subjects. In conclusion, the teacher's role plays a significant contribution to the student's character.
However
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, their capability is sometimes restricted
due to
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 a lack of human resources, limited available time, and different priorities.
Therefore
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, collaboration between
teachers
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 and parents is needed to ensure that
children
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's character and moral development are on the right path.
Submitted by brendaandrina on

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task achievement
Try to provide more concrete examples to support your points. For instance, mention specific scenarios or studies that highlight the role of teachers and parents in shaping students' behavior.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence and that the ideas flow logically. Although the essay is generally well-organized, some points can be better connected for improved cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively present, giving a clear overview and summation of the discussion.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both views and provides a balanced discussion, which shows a good understanding of the task requirement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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