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Band 5.5

Developed science has its positive and negative sides. Some people think it is good for human well-being, however, some people use science to do negative activities. This essay will discuss this statement and give some useful solutions.

#science #people #activities
The advent of new technology has shaped the world in many aspects. Today,
people
 can see how scientists have transformed their daily lives.
While
 some of them realize that science has had a positive impact, others think that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both opinions and make some recommendations. Developed science has positively changed life. With technology, life has become easier.
People
 do not suffer as in the past because they can control everything with smartphones.
For instance
, to buy an article, they need to order through the applications installed on their cell phones.
Furthermore
, students have more options to study
such
 as in-person or remote classes with a platform
such
 as Zoom. To take another example, medicine
also
 changed. Doctors can cure their patients by using sophisticated materials like X-rays.
On the other hand
,
although
 science has shown its proof in terms of development, it
also
 has some bad impacts on communities. By regularly using their devices,
people
 have become more addicted.
This
 situation affected the relationships among society.
For example
, some family members spend less time to talk to each other because of scrolling on social media.
Moreover
, creativity has led humanity to a scale of violence. Developed countries used to utilize heavy weapons to attack other areas without sending soldiers.
To sum up
, developed materials have deeply made
people
's lives easier but
also
 have shown
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 limits.
Submitted by ibamba88 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses both the positive and negative impacts of developed science on human life, which is necessary for a balanced argument. However, consider expanding your points more comprehensively to cover a wider range of examples and elaborations. This will help in making your arguments even more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next by using linking words and phrases. For example, you can use phrases like 'On the contrary,' or 'Conversely,' at the beginning of paragraphs to show contrast. You have a good logical structure, but these transitions can improve the flow.
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear introduction and a well-rounded conclusion, which effectively encapsulates the arguments discussed in the essay.
supported main points
Your use of specific examples such as smartphones, online classes, and X-rays help to support your points effectively.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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