IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Gender quality is always a controversial discussion point, expecially in job market with some occupations preferrable to males rather than females

Gender quality is always a controversial discussion point,
expecially
Correct your spelling
especially
 in
Use synonyms
job
Add an article
the job
a job
show examples
 market with some occupations
preferrable
Correct your spelling
preferable
show examples
 to males rather than
females
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay’s writer staunchly believes that
women
Use synonyms
 should have their own rights in the decision of which
job
Use synonyms
 they will apply for since it ensures that there will be optimum exploration of talented people for the long-lasting development of that country. It is imperative to acknowledge that
females
Use synonyms
 are naturally
borned
Correct your spelling
born
 with the identical strength and intelligence to males. With the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
same token, not only in other important aspects
such
Linking Words
 as education or emotional expressions
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 in choosing a career for their life, an essential symmetry in dividing the proportion of available opportunities
as well as
Linking Words
 appreciation must exist, even in some certain jobs that are frequently claimed to only be suitable for men like police officers or serving in the army.
As a result
Linking Words
, female genders will certainly dedicatedly contribute their precious values to
th
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
society
Change noun form
society's
show examples
 growth
along with
Linking Words
 their nation being
envolved
Correct your spelling
involved
 thanks to their talented
involement
Correct your spelling
involvement
 if they are adequately given equal rights as men in
applying
Add the preposition
applying for
show examples
 their dream
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, there are some people who strongly consider that
womens
Correct your spelling
women
show examples
 are not advisable to freely choose their own
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 on the grounds that these interesting jobs seem to not appropriate with
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. To explain it
further
Linking Words
, they thought that some areas that
women
Use synonyms
 desire for
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 require so many specialised features and
prominet
Correct your spelling
prominent
 characteristics that they do not actually acquire. With that thought in mind, in case
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
institutions deliberately recruit them, it will undoubtedly be a waste of
buget
Correct your spelling
budget
paid
Replace the word
pay
show examples
 for
those non-productive workforce
Change the determiner
that non-productive workforce
those non-productive workforces
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 may be a valid point,
however
Linking Words
,
females
Use synonyms
 still need to keep unchanged in having
job
Use synonyms
 opportunities
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that most of the standards can be easily reached through training courses for pre-employees. Take America as a prime example where a high rate of
women
Use synonyms
succesfully
Correct your spelling
successfully
apply
Wrong verb form
applying
show examples
 for police
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 or being a soldier in
army
Correct article usage
the army
show examples
 sector is increasing every year, regardless of other countries’s gender stereotypes as
this
Linking Words
 nation merely
bases
Wrong verb form
based
show examples
 on qualifications, practical skills and characteristics for assessing process.
From
Change the preposition
In
show examples
this
Linking Words
 writer’s opinion, gender equality must be considered in
job
Use synonyms
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
show examples
.
Inother
Correct your spelling
In other
 words, once the institutions perpetuate their stereotypes about the weakness of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 and prioritize the disadvantages of employing them, they will hardly ever have their institution fully developed because of the scarcity of valuable
contribution
Fix the agreement mistake
contributions
show examples
 from
women
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is highly recommended that
besides
Linking Words
recruitors
Correct your spelling
recruiters
offer
Wrong verb form
offering
show examples
 more chances for talented
women
Use synonyms
 in applying
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
, these
females
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 need to become more and more confident
as well as
Linking Words
belieivng
Correct your spelling
believing
 in themselves to come out of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 comfort zone and gain many achievements, including
succesfully
Correct your spelling
successfully
 apply for their dream
job
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
women
Use synonyms
 should be given a chance for
applying
Add the preposition
applying for
show examples
 jobs, especially
police
Change preposition
for police
show examples
 officers or being a member
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the army institution as they have enough
capility
Correct your spelling
capability
capacity
 and specialised
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
show examples
.
Thus
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 have to strongly
believes
Change the verb
believe
show examples
 in their ability and showcase it for the
Correct your spelling
recruiting
recruting
Correct your spelling
recruiting
 companies
along with
Linking Words
 these organisers must change their mindset into more open-minded

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Focus on strengthening the argument by providing more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will add credibility and depth to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of the essay. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, maintaining a clear and cohesive structure throughout.
task achievement
Eliminate repetitive language and ideas to keep the essay concise and focused. This will help in maintaining the reader's interest and making your arguments more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to sentence variety and structure to enhance readability. This means varying sentence lengths and types to create a more engaging and dynamic essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present, providing a good framework for the essay. This helps in setting the context and summarizing the main points effectively.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic adequately, discussing both sides of the argument which provides a balanced view on the issue of gender equality in the job market.
coherence cohesion
The main points are generally supported with explanations and examples, contributing to a more comprehensive discussion.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: