These days many young people are spending less time doing outdoor activities such as hiking, mountain climbing, and enjoying nature. What are the reasons for this? How can we encourage them to do more of these activities? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

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It is a fact that today’s
children
represent the future prosperity
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
our societies.
However
,
children
nowadays are growing less and less interested
toward
Change preposition
in
show examples
all sorts of
physical
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physically
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demanding activities especially the
outdoors
Replace the word
outdoor
show examples
ones
such
as hiking, climbing mountains and the simplest forms of
nature
enjoyment. In the next paragraphs, the reasons for
this
developing crisis and the ways to antagonize it will be discussed. As technological innovations and different social media applications continue to dominate our modern realities. It becomes important for us to reveal the catastrophic effects occurring upon our young ones.
Children
are being subjected to unhealthy addiction patterns revolving around the usage of their high-tech devices combined with
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
social media applications. Which makes them dependent on short and frequent dopamine bursts for their whole rewarding cognitive system. Satisfaction
then
, even pleasure,
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
not to be reached by any natural means as long as they get what they are looking for from the virtual world.
As a result
, a sedentary lifestyle is the final outcome. Homes are becoming cages for
children
preferring the stay rather than
exploring
Wrong verb form
explore
show examples
nature
. Unfortunately, our young are dissociating and growing apart from
nature
, and soon they will become like aliens to
nature
. Societal reformations and proper media usage will be
handful
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a handful
show examples
to tackle
such
growing
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
within our
children
. The role of parental guidance and their active inclusion into their
children
’s daily routine will be pivotal to
resolve
Wrong verb form
resolving
show examples
this
widely spreading phenomenon. Parents must get proactively involved in promoting the significance of outdoor activities to their young.
Also
, screen time should be
made
Verb problem
apply
show examples
limited or as a treat after a short hiking session. Societies,
on the other hand
, should arrange contests
such
as marathons and mountain climbing events directed to
children
with symbolic rewards every now and
then
to encourage them to connect
their
Change preposition
with their
show examples
mother
nature
.
To conclude
, Technological development and evolution are
coming with
Verb problem
taking
show examples
a huge toll on our
children
. The physical aspect and our ways of appreciating what
nature
provides us should be carried on by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future generations.
Such
untimely loss of innocence to virtual realities will affect the future bond between us, humans, and
nature
.
Submitted by besoyam on

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task achievement
Although the essay provides a clear and well-rounded response to the prompt, it would benefit from the use of more specific examples or experiences to further illustrate the points made. Including some personal anecdotes or hypothetical examples would enhance the relevance and impact of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, it's suggested to work on the transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Some sentences feel somewhat disjointed due to abrupt shifts in ideas. Adding transitional phrases will create smoother flow and stronger connections between ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a strong introduction and conclusion, which nicely frame the main arguments.
task achievement
It effectively identifies the main reasons why children are spending less time on outdoor activities and offers realistic and actionable measures to counteract this trend.
task achievement
The essay stays relevant to the topic throughout, maintaining focus and addressing both parts of the question: reasons for the issue and solutions.

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