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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The graphs below show the percentage of men and women aged 60-64 who were employed in four countries in 1970 and 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make compparisons where relevant.

The graphs below show the percentage of men and women aged 60-64 who were employed in four countries in 1970 and 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make compparisons where relevant.
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The two bar charts illustrate the proportion of 60-64-year-old males and females who were still in the workforce in Belgium
,
Correct word choice
and, USA
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USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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. Japan and Australia, compared between two
years
Use synonyms
 1970 and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is apparent that in both
years
Use synonyms
, female employees were always less than male wherever they were.
In addition
Linking Words
, the percentage of employment of men saw a significant increase over the period of thirty
years
Use synonyms
. In terms of women, the proportion of Belgian and Japanese workers rose slightly, starting at 7% and 40% in 1970,
Correct word choice
and ended
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ended
Wrong verb form
ending
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 at 8% and 43% in 2000 respectively. Meanwhile, the Americans and Australians had downward trends. American employees declined from 38% to 36%,
similarly
Linking Words
, those who were from Australia began at 16% and dropped to 16% in 2000. When it comes to men, Japanese males dominated over thirty
years
Use synonyms
 with the growth from 74% to 86%. Three nations including Belgium, the United States and Australia had a similar ending point, around 76%.
However
Linking Words
, the biggest change belongs to Belgium, where the initial percentage was only a fifth,
while
Linking Words
 the two remaining countries went up by about 30%.
Lastly
Linking Words
, Japanese males dominated over thirty
years
Use synonyms
 with growth from 74% to 86%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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